List of things to do:-
1) Write a resume
2) Find my cloak
3) Paint my mask
4) Upload my certs
5) Watch Phantom of the Opera

And all these must be done by TOMORROW!!!!!! I'm screwed aren't I?

Second Vlog Oops

Heya so as you can see I'm posting my second video. Actually I'm quite interested to do this permanently so watch the vid and let me know whether I should change my style or will I start losing viewers. (I'm hungry) Er it's half the length of the previous video thank god. Conclusion, stick to only one or two topics. (But I just had a Mamee Mee) Er the lighting is pretty bad in this but I think it's my sucky webcam. (I really wanna eat T_T) So enjoy...I hope.



GAH!!! IDIOT it's CHOLERIC NOT CHORELIC!!!!!

PS Gah I'm depressed tgwtg.com has been down for ages T_T

PSS Btw http://www.fighunter.com/?page=temperaments This is the site I was talking about in my vlog if anyone is interested.

First Vlog

Hey guys I wanted to try my first vlog. If you don't know what that is it's a video blog. I haven't updated in ages and I wanted to give you the feel. So if you watch it please let me know what you think. Whether I should continue with that style or go back...Erm I think I elaborated on it in my vid. Er the link is unlisted so pls don't start sharing out my vid. I didn't really 'pang leng leng' for this vid. Just how you'd see me on Skype. I think I watched the Nostalgia Chick too much cause I seem to be channeling her (with a British Accent). GAH!!! I dunno why my british accent always pops up when I'm recording myself. >< Haha ok I'm getting a bit of course. So just enjoy the video and tell me what you think.

Yea it's a little long. xD opps. Yea realize my expressions are all over the place. :) Ciaoz

I didn't even know why I started thinking of it. It was over so long ago but it appeared in my head, that one question... What was the nicest thing I remember you doing for me? When I thought of the answer, it opened up a whole wave of emotions I locked up. No, not about you. I am already long over you. I think that is for the better. No but it reminded me of the time when you did that nice thing. I think I locked up memories of that time. I always try to forget everything or maybe I just have a bad memory. XD :( But I guess even I have to admit it is probably in the running for worst period of my life.

I don't know which feels worst, the fact I never expected anyone to care for my feelings like you did or the fact that I kinda hoped that there would be more... Nah I'm being selfish... Why would anyone care about little old me? I tried not to think about it then. Who was on my side? Who supported me? I can only name one person with complete sureness. Why? No, no the question is why am I disappointed? I expected this. For months I braced myself for the same conclusion...so why do I feel so betrayed? Am I selfish?

Nah this was a very long time ago... I should be putting this all behind me. Erase the song 'Girl Next Door' from my phone and carry on. I have the Tea Party right now. I'm happier now. I know they'd stand by me no matter what.

"LIAR!!!"

(looks away) Yea...Alucia's right...I'm lying to myself. Put them in the same situation...I'd be left on my own again. It's not their fault believe me...but is it really mine? Why am I so worthless? It's not like I'm unhappy with the outcome but...these were the people I called my friends...I don't...

Haiz...I dunno what else to say... It's just bad memories coming back to haunt me but... I really tried to forget it, honest I did. Just sometimes, something reminds me of it...and things just go bad. Haiz and I was in a good mood too. Oh wellz I dun have much else to say...Just let me go ponder life for a while.  :(

Nightz

Konbanwa!

こんばんわ。わたしはシャーメインです。どおぞよろしく。わたしはマルシアじんです。はじめまして。これわわたしのブロッグです。ようこそ。

And that is the extent of the Japanese I know. Haha no don't look at me like that. Not the writing, that's just the Mac. I just type 'ko' and this appears こ. But I've gotten the Hiragana pretty down. I still have to check every once in awhile but I think I'm pretty proud of myself. XD Don't ask me about katakana though (the one I wrote my name in). I HATE it so much. They generally look more chinesey and I remember how to write 'ko' by neh that box that looks like mouth in chinese but one side is open (コ). Yea... unfortunately ro is a 'kou' (mouth) ロ. 

Okok I know you all are looking at me funny. I can't speak chinese to save my life and I want to learn Japanese? Yea well...I kinda prefer Japanese. I mean anime is one thing but also Japanese has a very straightforward pronunciation. If 'a' is pronounced like this, it's always pronounced like this. Like malay. In terms of writing...ok I think it is kinda silly to have 3 different types of writing. I understand why but I'm sorry. It's pretty hard for an outsider to learn. Ok y I prefer hiragana to chinese characters is this, there is no relation through characters. Where else Japanese is a bit more like English where a sound is a character. 'Ha'は for example or 'chi'ち, they will never change. So for example 'hachi' (eight) is written like はち. Y'know instead of ハ where you are just supposed to remember it's 'pak' (sry i dunno how to write hanyin pinyin). So yea, I'm probably confusing you. But anyway, this brings me to my next problem...KANJI!!! We all know Japanese originated from Chinese and all that right so of course they have to use their words as well.... Just as I was complaining about it... >_> I mean hiragana can take up alot of space so to shorten it they use kanji. So ハ、instead of はち。T_T So basically I still kinda have to learn chinese...not modern chinese mind you...traditional chinese. T_T

But I did say I was gonna learn as much Japanese as I can for the rest of my holidays. Grammar is pretty straight forward but i'm still a little confused between kore and kono...and a couple other things. I'm so glad I have Aisyah to bug whenever I need help/answers. xD And of course somebody to practice Japanese with. So wish me luck. Who knows? If I actually learn Japanese enough I might actually learn Chinese to improve my kanji. Haha Oh well

オやすみなさい、みんあさん。

When I first watched Son of the Mask, I felt a strange attraction to Loki.

When I first watched Spy Kids, Floop intrigued me more than the main characters.

I have rewatched both movies and they are very very meh movies but I have finally figured what the hell was up with those two characters. Alan Cumming (haha another Alan) Damnit, like so many actors I like, he is majorly underrated and underused. The thing that surprises me though is he is not conventionally handsome/hot but see him act once and see the sex ooze off that screen. I dare you to say he's not hot after. It's like you have to watch him cast a spell over you first.

Other than the above two incidents, I have never heard, nor cared for Alan before. A couple months ago, I heard about Broadway Backwards which basically switches around male and female roles in musical numbers. I first watched Neil Patrick Harris sing Take Me or Leave Me with his boyfriend. So anyway, I youtubed songs and found Don't Tell Mama. I was like ok don't know this song but I've vaguely heard the name Alan Cumming before. Oh he's the guy who played Nightcrawler, this should be good.

Damnit... Sex Appeal. *_* You don't see much of it from men. I mean the closest we probably get is Taylor Lautner tearing off his shirt and stare at Bella...Yea real manly... And damn those leather pants. Those were just (drool). Haha Ok I don't know how to explain it. Doh! Of course, like Adam Lambert, they just sell sex. I mean how many so-called hot celebrities do that. Justin Bieber...yikes... Not dissing him but no sex appeal at all.

Ok I know people are going to go out of the way to call me perverted on this but COME ON. Sex appeal is like a MUST for all female celebrities now. I just demand the opposite once in a while. Ok lemme just throw a few out from the top of my head, Bruno Mars, no; that transformers dude, hell no; hugh jackman... ok now Hugh Jackman does have sex appeal but... that's not really what I meant... He's Megan Fox, he's hot and sexual yes but he's no... oh I dunno... Jennifer Lopez. Maybe it's cause they're actors whereelse singers/dancers have to perform more. Dunno maybe that's the whole Korean singer craze, maybe they sell sex I dunno. All I see on tv are boy bands so yea...

Ooo getting way off topic. Well other than just projecting to the world I'm perverted, what else can I say? Men should wear eyeliner. Haha Ok this is more individual by individual basis but I haven't seen anyone who looks bad in eyeliner. I know there's a general consensus that guyliner=gay but I dunno...it just looks good. Gargh! I know I'm being nitpicky here but goddamnit! If you are gonna perform singlet/sleeveless/shirtless, shave your goddamn armpits. Gargh, I'm sorry...I'm not one of those weird people who are over nitpicky about hair or anything. I mean they are not major turn-offs or anything but damnit! Is it so hard to shave? I mean can you imagine Taylor Swift in a brilliant gown singing and then she raises her arms and gargh! This is not for normal people I don't expect much but you are on a stage, playing an over-sexualized man. SHAVE YOUR ARMPITS!!!

Haha ok this post is getting a bit out of hand. Haha sorry I'm sleepy but I'm waiting for the video of a critic making fun of If I die Young to load. Haha ok it's not a bad song, but I wanna see if he has the same problems with it that I did.

Oh wee, Robert Pattinson just came onscreen. X/ Another guy who probably doesn't shave. X/ What's up with that hair? Did he like forget to comb his hair in the morning or something? I'm trying to find his accent sexy but meh... It's just...meh. Haha sorry. After watching Alan, finding this person hot/sexy is much harder than usual. Haha ok I should go. I'm so proud of myself, I used Justin and Taylor Swift in my blog as examples and I never made fun of them, those talentless pieces of shit. XD

Ok listen, I have no problem with these two people, not personally but it's like Twillight for me. So many things just make me hate it that hasn't factored in the actual show/people. Ok I want to ask you something first, do you like any celebrity who isn't famous? Just think of one person, any person. And I mean really like them, not just a passing fancy. Are they more talented than the two people listed above? Chances are, they are. >_> Okok no more low blows. What does it feel that these people you like that are more talented than the above people are not even making half of what they get (or even worse). Ok let's just say music is subjective, fine. What about actors? From the back of my head I can name so many actors who are more talented than the girl who plays Bella Swan. So why is she making so much money again? It's irritating and sometimes it makes me so angry. (And I can't stand hypocrites, Robert Pattinson is fair target if they don't like him as well but if it's Justin who they like, I'm being mean. >_>)

Haha ok I should really stop around here. Two long posts on the same day. This is going to keep me from posting for a long time. KK then Nightz

PS: I don't see what's the big deal about Nasi Lemak 2.0. It's just a normal movie. Yea maybe it's better than most Malaysian shows but that is not saying much. The only thing I can say for it is it doesn't try to go for the whole racial stereotype that Singaporean shows are so fond of. (No they are not being racist, all races kena equal teruk but it's...old humour. You don't see (good) Hollywood movies making fun of black stereotypes anymore do they? {I like the random black dude though. You don't see enough of that in Asian shows}

Hey y'all! Decided to update again even though I have nothing to write about. Haha I think these spontaneous writing works better... Whenever I feel like posting something, I arrange everything perfectly in my head and then I don't feel like writing anything after. Haha yea I've said this before. Don't want the people memorizing my blog to hold it against me. XD

Well let's see...just revisited Pottermore...It kinda sucks... I know it's like the beta version so we just have to wait until the next book comes out. The best things about it are the wand and sorting test (yea, u know i love these kinda things) and all the extra info JK puts about the book and characters. But that's about it, the so-called interactive online experience is not there. I'm not gonna put a review here and feedback I'll probably just comment on the site straight. It's free so I don't expect much but still after all the hype... BUT DAMNIT all that backstory for Proffesor Mc Gonagall is just AWESOME so yea that is worth the whole experience.

Hmn... what else..? Haha I am IN LOVE with the That Guy with the Glasses. Haha not literally but just he is awesome. I LOVE watching all his reviews. It's funny, entertaining and sarcastic. Most of the shows he reviews are shows when I was a kid or younger so the nostalgia value sure plays in. The rest of the group ain't half bad either but I still enjoy watching him the most, mainly as the Nostalgia Critic but hearing him review as himself ain't half bad either. The other guy, Pan? Pam? well something like that, only reviews musicals so yea, totally for me. He likes Repo as well!!! XD Haha and he reintroduced me to Nightmare Before Christmas. I think it's really scary though how easily it is for these reviewers to convince you how good or bad a show is...or maybe I'm impressionable... Haha anyway if you haven't heard of them, check it out. They are awesome.

Argh! This guy on tv is so irritating. If he show's the peace sign one more time...

Gargh! NEVER watching Final Destination again. I mean it's not scary or anything but I can get really paranoid and FD does not help! I had to mow the lawn (FD 4), try some weird electrocution health thingy (and the lady just had to leave the room). Yea can't think of more but I'm generally more paranoid than usual. I have already decided not to try (thanks to the FDs) tanning beds (meh, asians has a weird thought that the whiter the better so meh), eye laser surgery (ok i know what happened in the show is pretty impossible but even the 'standard procedure' just seemed so uncomfortable {shivers}) and acupuncture (ok that might have something to do with the needles but meh, still not doing it)

I am convinced this guy on tv is gay...........

Hmn... y'know what? I think I should stop doing promoter job and try an assortment of things. I'm actually excited for my next job and not so jaded and lazy as usual. Mwahahahaha That reminds me I should start reading up on Microsoft Excel... Haha Stupid Mac doesn't have Excel program... Meh...maybe tomorrow... Or I should just tell my mom my bros aren't studying. That would give me the computer for sure. Mwahahahahahahaha

Klar. Can't think of anything to write. Byez

Too sleepy to update but if I don't update then I won't post anything. Decisions, Decisions...

Karma's a real bitch. But is it called Karma if you are punished before you commit the crime?

What happens when I'm bored with nothing but a labeller to entertain me? I decorate my pants with Repo! characters. Haha I'm bored, sue me.

Just when I think a year younger is a alright to date, someone has to prove me wrong...

Why is it the people telling me off for being too lazy to work are people who has never tried working... There's only one person I allow to rag me on not working and she works everyday...

Haha ok I know I summarized everything. I'm too sleepy to type anything in full...

Haiz in the end, as Yi min says...I'd probably end up working in a months time... Is there away I can record the suffering to remind myself NEVER AGAIN the next time.

Ok haven't had time to update much this week. Err if I have the mood I'll tell y'all what's been going on. I don't have much time really to say much so just a quick update... Let's see...

Alright again someone beat me to the punch on writing about farewells. Damn them!... Haha not really... Actually am pretty relieved when someone does put those up so I don't feel obliged to writing one myself. I'm not really much of a feelly person. I rant... I don't write sappy things as most people who received letters from me can attest. I write emo stories but they're not my feelings. The closest I can write about my feelings are here in my blog and it's gotten pretty emotionless over the years. I'm not so much of a public person either. I really never noticed how secretive I can be until recently. (Blame horoscopes) But yea, don't really like broadcasting myself to the world. Again, this blog is about as open as it gets. Maybe it's cause I don't really treat it like telling people what's going on but really like a diary. A place to express myself. So yea, if you want emotional stuff go to Shu Whey's blog. That's her territory, not mine.

On a side note, I GOT MY FIRST REVIEW. Haha I'm overinvesting in this story man. Haha I know, 5th time I brought up my story. Haha I'll send ya a link if u wan, but I doubt it ;) Wasn't so worried really what people think of my stories but the actual fandom...well, ALOT. Haha sorry I was just terrified that Luigi is out of character and Pavi's a real bitch to write. So having the review say that they all seemed very in character was just a real pleasure. :) Haha

This is really well-written. The plot was perfect in length and I love your use of emotion. You kept each character actually "in character" while also adding some very human elements. It would make perfect sense for them to each deal with Rotti's and then Pavi's death in their own way because of their clashing personalities. On the other hand the way extracted the relationship between Amber and Luigi was done well and I love how they come together in the end. Being who they are, things can't be perfect but all in all, they make it through their pain. Outstanding work!

Haha ok so the best thing about this is I don't know her (ok I've seen her on Repo Boards but that's about it.) So she isn't obliged to tell me my story is good. (Believe me, if people had just told me straight that some of my stories really sucked it would have helped alot). So yea, it means ALOT to me. Here I am sitting in Popeye's for the third time this week and nearly squeeling my head off. So yea, thanks StiffKitty? Haha

Ok breaks nearly over. Really got to go. Ciaoz

Repo! the Genetic Opera

Alright I'm doing it. I'm blogging about Repo!. Ok so I'm really bored but there are just some people I have to convince to watch (who are probably gonna skim or not read this post anyway :(. And btw, any of you who watch d Saw series (or Repo) and have Twitter, PLEASE, I repeat PLEASE follow Darren Bousman on twitter. The guy is hiding something from us and is not telling us what until he get more followers :( He's a tease...

Ok so what should I start with... The songs I guess...Ok regardless of what I have said about 17, there isn't a single song on Repo! I hate. Bored, maybe but not hate. I used to dislike Chromaggia but damn, Sarah Brightman is talented. Ok at first I wanted to list all the songs in order but DAMN there's ALOT of songs. 22 total just on the soundtrack so yea...maybe not... Ok so I'll just list songs that stood out in (maybe?) a particular order. (this is going to end up all the songs, I know it >_>)

1) At the Opera Tonight - Ok who can not love this song. The song is just...EPIC. It has the whole cast singing (and it's d closest thing to a duet between Anthony and Sarah). Anyone who watches musicals/operas would know this as the song before the storm and damnit I think the only musical who can beat Repo in terms of epicness is One Day More from Les Miserables. (Believe me, I've recorded myself singing all the parts (Repo Man gave me a sore throat) IT'S EPIC!!!

2) Mark it Up - Ok you knew I'd put this here. In Terrance's words, it's essentially the introduction to the Largo children and if any of you have been to my Tumblr, you'd know the Largo brothers are my favorite characters. So yea, anyone who knows me know I never go for the comic relief but when the comic relief is a murderer and a rapist...well I guess there's something appealing about it. More about this when I talk about the characters later :D (you knew I would). So anyway, there's just something so over-the-top and funny about this scene that keeps me coming back for more. 

3) Night Surgeon - Another song that is just plain epicness. Like Thankless Job, there's just something so disturbing and yet fun about people singing as they kill people. (Sweeney Todd was more detached, he wasn't enjoying the kill) Nathan was and Luigi looked like Christmas had come early. AND (haha you knew this was coming) it was the only time in the movie the Largos looked like they were having fun with each other. I am bloody serious. I mean besides the time they are pretending in front of a crowd, have you ever seen the Largos so civil with each other? Half the time, Rotti acts like he wishes he never had kids so yea, super refreshing. 

4) Zydrate Anatomy -  Ok this song wins major points for just being so bloody catchy. It was the first song I really liked and it was stuck in my head for ages. It's like a nursery rhyme. I mean seriously drugs have never sounded cooler. I wish I could say Paris' entrance spoiled the song but it didn't. Everything worked perfectly, even the surgery montage (and lesbian Genterns? xD jk (i think.)). 

Ok I think I'm really going through all the songs now... haha Sorry... but the music is just that awesome. There isn't a single one I want to leave out.

5) We Started This Opera Shit - Ok I really love this song but it faded over time because it's sung mostly by the chorus so no major characters appear (and GOD did the Single Mother really have to strip? I mean seriously, no nudity throughout the show and suddenly BOOBS X/ I mean I don't really have such a big issue with it but why??? T_T) Ok that's over and done with, now why this song rocks. It's pretty much the Repo Army (Repo fans) theme song. TESTIFY has been our 'motto' and I dunno... it presents some pretty good reasons why GeneCo is not really a bad idea. (Ok let me clarify, I'm pro-GeneCo but anti-Rotti but more about that under characters :)) 

6) Genterns - Oh dear Genterns...Sigh...it's not even an official song and it 'introduces' us more to the Largo children. I have no idea are we supposed to find the kidz more despicable or likable but damnit they do really well as comic relief. The song is less than a minute? and yet it's catchy, likable and I can play it on repeat, repeatedly. 

7) 21st Century Cure - Ok I like this song because of the meaning and how true it is even now. I mean esp with all the plastic surgery going on now Graves poses the question, "Would you change who you are if you could?" I mean seriously who has never considered this question before? "Your designer heart still beats with common blood". These are the things that draw me to this song. But seriously, you wanna enjoy this song. Listen to it, don't watch it. The graves, Shilo, GeneCops, all too distracting. Takes away from the song. Just listen to the meaning as it is.

Ok I think that's about it, it's not that that's all the songs that's good but I think that's all I wanna talk about... Hmn... I love the duets but there's nothing exclusive really to say about it. Chase the Morning/Everyone's a Composer/Come Back is just awesome if not epic. And I dare you to classify the genre of music that song is. I can't figure it out. It's songs like this that makes me wish I can sing three lines at the same time.

Infected and Legal Assassin are just perfect songs to sing along to. I esp love the last verse of Legal Assassin where I can go all crazy like. Haha I just love to karaoke to myself and these two songs are perfect to do so. Hmn... special mentions to Bravi which is also my ringtone and NO MATTER where I am, whenever my phone rings, people stare. I mean really stare, and I'm cursing in my mind trying to answer the phone as quickly as I can. :S

Oooo I think that's it... I just realized the Largos need more songs :S Haha I like Gold but damnit the guy who sang it for the stage play is just....i love his voice. I mean there was nothing special about it but damn! I just like the voice... Think that's weird? I'm also in love with the Italian language because someone (Pavi probably) sang that one line in Come to the Opera with Me in Italian and i think it just sounds lovely. Yea...I'm beyond obsessed.

Haha alright then...this post is getting long and I'm a bit sleepy so err I'll leave this post about songs and continue about characters next time. Haha please don't take this as an excuse to run from my blog. Instead WATCH REPO! and understand why I'm just so crazy.  Goodnight everyone. :)
TESTIFY!!!!!!

Boredom leads to depression, I'm sure of it. My brain is rotting. I can't believe I'm jealous at some people for studying. STUDYING!!! (Bangs head repeatedly) Bored! (Bang) Bored! (Bang) BORED!!!!! (BANG) Oooo I think I need to sit down for a while. Yea just in case I didn't get the point across I"M BORED!!!!!! I'm looking forward to a goddamned blood test just to fill up my day. I"M BORED!!!!!!!!

So anyway what else is new in my life...Hmn... my computer died on me. It's depressing not having Luigi greet me everytime I go online. I'm so used to it I think I'm facing withdrawal. >< My dad doesn't want to repair my laptop so yea bye bye...Should NOT have gotten attached T_T Stupid second hand piece of shit!!!

I'm obsessed with watching Sims dies.

Oooo I finally got the courage to post the story. No reviews yet though :S Ok fine, it's only been a couple of hours but still.... REVIEWS (hint hint,  hint hint) So yea that's the extent of my life. So if you haven't gotten the hint I"M BORED!!!!!!! I HAVE NO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! X/ I don't even have the patience to write the posts in full. I feel so jumpy here. BORED

Ooo yea have I mentioned I HATE NEEDLES!!! Unless they are those gigantic ones I use for crosstitch that aren't sharp at all, keep them AWAY from me!!! I'm not scared of them or anything but seriously, keep them AWAY. X/ So yea I calculated, soon I'm gonna get a blood test: needle; than in about 3 months I'm gonna go donate blood: NEEDLES; which would then give me free Hep B injections: needles; and daddy dearest wants me to take d cervical cancer injection: Needles. That's 10 needles in all (I hope). WTF? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Yea ok that's all I'm posting. I'm BORED but too hyper? to post anything coherent. So erm...ciaoz i guess...

ASH WITH UNICORN CORE, TEN AND THREE QUARTER INCHES, UNYIELDING

Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard.

Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may 'die' and need replacing.

Funny, whenever I used to play pretend I always chose the Unicorn Core as well. :) Well the words I bolded stood out to me the most and I can't help but agree. I never really thought of being powerful in anyway but being consistent was important. Well, for melancholy, you only need to read my blog to get it and faithful well...hahaha


Unyielding, sounds fair enough like me. I was always told I was too stubborn. Haha oops ok they meant flexibility. Well I am unflexible as anything, believe me. I'm like a tree. Haha so yea, that's me

10 & 3/4s sounds a little short... I couldn't figure if I was average or tall for my age...so I put average... I have to reread all the other character's wand length though to figure just how short it really is. (Haha just found out Draco's was 10 so I guess it's an average size wand. Haha)

The ash wand cleaves to its one true master and ought not to be passed on or gifted from the original owner, because it will lose power and skill. This tendency is extreme if the core is of unicorn. Old superstitions regarding wands rarely bear close examination, but I find that the old rhyme regarding rowan, chestnut, ash and hazel wands (rowan gossips, chestnut drones, ash is stubborn, hazel moans) contains a small nugget of truth. Those witches and wizards best suited to ash wands are not, in my experience, lightly swayed from their beliefs or purposes. However, the brash or over-confident witch or wizard, who often insists on trying wands of this prestigious wood, will be disappointed by its effects. The ideal owner may be stubborn, and will certainly be courageous, but never crass or arrogant.


Haha what did I say about being stubborn? Haha I don't know how such simple questions managed to be so accurat but they are. The wand seems to suit me from the beginning and I don't know...never believed in the passing down of wands etc. Haha now I really can't wait for the sorting

It seems I have Cedric Diggory's and Charlie Weasley's wand. Hahaha

Hi guys,
I have honestly no idea what to post about so I guess I just wanted to post a little update about my life. :) I couldn't really think of a specific topic but I wanted to post a little something. Initially, I wanted to write something about a parting I experienced last Friday but after reading Pik Ee's blog, I won't be able to do any justice to it. I just hope her happiness in a foreign land. I have perfect confidence she will not be alone there as she can make friends with total ease. Even so, I am here on Facebook or Skype if she needs someone to talk to. :) God bless.

Has anyone else tried the new blogger website? I mean this website but they updated things. It's so...white and clean. The last one was pretty similar to my actual blog so writing emo posts came naturally. Now it feels like I should be writing happy posts. Yikes Not my style but I promise this will not be an emo post. Just an update of what's going on literally in my life. There's not much to say really, as nothing is going on but I've passed that emo phase of my last two posts. It had to happen I guess, I couldn't resent that one fact forever.

Hmn...I still haven't continued working. That chick from the telechatter never called me back or replied my sms, I won't lie by saying I'm disappointed. I addressed the reasons for that in my last post so yea, don't need to bring that up. And me stopping work, I guess I'm lazier than I thought. I don't really want to continue though, I've got the experience I wanted. I mean I could always get more but I mean I've gotten the feel of it. It's not a new thing so I don't really want more. But it seems like such a waste of time. I sleep at 6 every night and wake at 4/5. I mean I'm online I guess but it is a real waste. I told myself since I have 6 free months, I'd actually go out and audition for a musical at KL Pac. Guess whether I tried anything? Sigh... I guess that's just me. :( I ignore all my opportunities and then emo about. Even so, it's too late to do anything about it so yea...I'm giving up.

Ok what next...oh yea I finally finished my stupid Phantom of GeneCo story (temporary title). Haha THANK YOU EUNICE!!! Haha she gave me the ending I desired which worked perfectly for me. I wanted to write a multiple ending story at first because I knew none of the endings would satisfy me. But Eunice found one that worked. I knew I had to kill someone off and I thought  the dad was a sure goner but when I decided to make the dad not so bad after all I knew he had to survive and 'suffer'. It worked perfectly and so thank you for giving me that idea. It was a slight pain to write but it was worth it. If I ever have the confidence, I'd post it. :) So again, thank you Eunice.

In relation to that, I wanted to thank Andrew (Henecran) for helping to write a summary for my old story so I have no excuse not to post it on FF.net, even though I don't think you read my blog. I hardly let, well I wouldn't say stranger exactly but I barely know him, read my stories so when he actually gave me rather positive feedback, it really brightened my day. (And as you can see, I linked his blog, check it out, he's a pretty good writer.) The story is my new baby so yea, I think I would have been heartbroken if I got negative feedback. Haha sorry, I love to write and I think the compliments I got have been blowing up my ego a bit. :( Even so, I know I'm far from good and I really am trying to improve. If Monash has creative writing class, I would be super happy. Haha so anyway, I want to work out all the kinks in the story before I post it so if anyone would be sweet enough to volunteer reading, it would be awesome. :)

Haha speaking of Monash, I GOT IN!!! Haha ok I got the news a couple of days back and I dunno...I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be... Perhaps I was cocky, so I thought no problem. :( Definitely have to get that out of my system. Maybe I was still in my emo phase when I got it... I was relieved no doubt, cause I really dun wanna go IMU but not actually happy... Perhaps it was cockiness...I just wonder, had I really expected the results I got, would I have checked the box for applying for Monash Clayton. I think until now, I regret not doing so. I don't know what that would have accomplish, I mean I could go around begging for scholarships but I don't know why I'm not doing so for local Monash anyway... I don't think it would have changed a thing but until now I still regret not checking that box. I have no idea how it'd mess my local Monash chances but I still...regret... But then again...perhaps the feeling of getting it but not being able to go may be worse. Perhaps that's why I'm kinda glad LSE rejected me. I mean that's probably the school to be. Hahaha so much for being over my emo phase. A bit hard to forget about it since everyone is talking about it. Maybe I'm just comparing with the wrong people. I always expected them to go anyway. I think I just expected more for myself...

Hahaha see? Back to emoness... Hahaha No no no Hmn... let's see what else is going on in my life? I'm obsessed with horoscopes. Haha I know I'm annoying people by constantly asking their horoscopes but it's fun. :) I mean in terms of personality, it's super accurate and yet the 2 people who says that the same fact applies to them seem different in every way. Haha freaky right? I mean I was writing a birthday letter for my friend that day and was looking up our horoscope compatibilities on ideas on things to write. Haha I love the way they described our 'friendship'. Haha especially how we'd always argue who's the most dominant among us. The description solved the argument perfectly for me. Haha maybe I should show her the site one day. But yea, am loving horoscopes and I'm not gonna stop checking them out. I just found something out... :( I am incompatible with every member of my immediate family. My mom's an aquarius, dad's a libra, one bro's an Aries and my other bro's a Scorpio (which is either super compatible or super incompatible) Maybe  compatibility leans more to love but it's just...sad... It kinda explains alot though...Sigh

Yea that's about it I guess... Am still debating with myself whether I should do a little post on Repo. XD Yea, I know everyone's bored of my talking about it. I just realised I never did do a post about Repo though  even if my tumblr's full of it. Maybe I should do a full post then? Haha Ok, I'll compromise, I'll write a bit of how Repo is affecting my life now, and if I'm in the mood I shall do a full Repo post. :) Ok let's see, currently  I'm not watching Repo as often as I used to cause I think I replayed the songs one too many times. Shhh don't tell the Repo gang on Fb. Even so, I seem more obsessed with Repo than a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it's the FB group, who are a wonderful group of people who are like me, spending their lives waiting impatiently for a sequel. Maybe it's the stage musical which I am virtually unable to find any info about but I am crazy obsessed with their songs. (Chase the Morning is bloody uplifting but the verses are way too draggy) Or maybe it's cause I managed to convince Li Chin to watch and like it, so now I'm more confident in asking other people to watch it. Maybe it's just my fanfics that are pulling me back into that world. Even so, I hope my obsession with Repo will last. I have noticed my obsessions fading rather quickly now and that's just depressing. Even so, I'm getting rather disillusioned about getting a sequel though...and that just gets me down. I'm trying my best though to trend #RepoOpera and I hope you guys would do the same. While Repo would always be Terrance's baby, he has Molting now and I guess he is moving on. I got into Repo pretty late though...most real fans of the show has probably given up waiting. I guess this obsession will fade over time if no news of a sequel is coming out soon but I guess until I give up my obsession on Bill Moseley (and/or Nivek Ogre) I would always be excited for a Repo sequel. I think the speed I move through my obsessions really depress me though. I mean I know of people who hold their obsession for years. Then again, I look back at some of my obsessions and wonder what the hell was I thinking. (I used to be obsessed with a pokemon for heaven's sake) But right now, even just thinking about giving up Repo and Bill just depresses me. (Haha see, emo again) Haha it's official, I must make it a point to post about Repo. Haha

Well, I guess I should really end now. It's nice to know I have finally gotten my original writing style back (probably around the time I wrote the piece about Michael Jackson's death?) Haha Maybe cause this is literal mumblings and not much emoness in it (well less than usual) and all the brackets I'm using. Haha it feels familiar. I think with tumblr and facebook updates, there's really less to blog about. And yet, this post is filled with everything and yet nothing. Haha it's refreshing though. Well alright then, it's 5.40 in the morning, I really should get to bed. Goodnight everyone (or for the more hardworking of you, good morning). :) Nice chatting with you. :)

Excellent results

And for what?

People with half what I got

Are flying off soon.

Not fair

Never fair

They have the world at their fingertips

Holidays to Germany

Infinite number of classes

Having the excuse too lazy to work

Never fair

Heartbreak

Always believed studying hard was enough to fulfil my dreams

Years of suffering and toiling

And for what?

I'm still here

Haha hey guys. Am back. Decided to try my friends Shu Whey's writing style in her chinese blog. Wonder whether it works well in English. XD

Feeling lonely
Can't really explain why
Even surrounded
Feel so alone

That's why
Would rather stay at home
In front of screen
Can hide from the world

Even so
Chat proves me wrong
Acting so distant
Irritated at me perhaps?
Forgive me
Don't mean to push
Sometimes don't want to lose friendship
You know?

Sometimes want to live in another world
Pretend to be a heroine
Have a prince by my side
But I do not like Love Stories
And I always die

Haha I like my hobby
Can't find anyone with similar taste
Perhaps it's embaressing
No one dares say
But it's nice
Alone in my room

Don't know why
Self-esteem in the drain
Even with good results
Beginning to regret the mere A
Kiasu maybe?
Should have studied better for Maths
I think that is biggest regret
My fave, last time
Should have made bigger impact

No one to talk to
That's why post lenghthens over time
Even if got person
Cannot release the feelings
Curse of the Bull
Never show feelings
Thought change
Perhaps still seeking attention

Want to look for job
After bad experience
Lost all will to do
Come home in tears
Never want to do again
Wonder whether parents will forgive
Let me do something else instead
But no will to spend money
Learn to cook myself
But will spoil weight plan
6 months of endless nothing
Become Tele-chatter to text men
Not my personality
But money is money
Job is job
Maybe can increase esteem
Learn to flirt...
Maybe should say no
Not that kind of girl
But job seems easy

Despotic, they call me
I think they are more
Pehaps don't know me?
No longer think true
Feel unheard
Opinionated
Perhaps better word
Feminist
Tomboy
Suit me more

Haha ok I better stop cause I'm going on forever. Haha kinda like this style XD Haha Shu Whey if you read this please don't be insulted by how bad this is. XD Not trying to make fun of you or anything. Haha and if anyone finds this funny, please remember I read the direct translation of Shu Whey's blog so yea XD

Terrified

Bloody hell!!! I can't sleep at all. I don't remember being so scared for SPM or AS results. I'm really honestly...I can't even form a sentence.......one that's coherent at least. Maybe I should stay up until 8? I think I'm going to. I don't think I can sleep like this. My stomach is doing triple somersaults. My teeth were chattering in bed...I can't... I should stay up... but i can't stand waiting for the hours pass. I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die. I'm gonna be sick... I'm so scared T_T

You know I'm desperate when I'm googling 'How to end a story'. T_T

The End!

I just realized that the only thing worse than not knowing how to end your story is having 10 endings to it and not knowing which to choose. T_T I have to finish the story before I head off to Taiping or it's going to bug me to no end. Besides, the three days would be a perfect break time for me to come back and edit out the crap. Haha who asked me to so smart and rewatch Phantom of the Opera. The story just jumped at me and I didn't want to give it up. :S I really should stop torturing Luigi and Pavi though (and Amber to some extent).

T_T How to end? I already kicked out the Happy Ending (well it is the Phantom of the Opera after all) but even the bittersweet ending does not beckon me. Do you know how many ways there is just to reach the same end point? Help!!! T_T I only have until tonight to finish it or I may never sleep. I need to wake up early tomorrow. T_T

Silly Choices

I have no idea whose bright idea was it to have a trip after the exams but I hate you (not really). Something I have noticed from SPM and even before is that exams pull people apart. Yea it's a sad situation for mid-year but I realize it was great for me for SPM because by the last day of exams, I wasn't as sad as I was during grad (which was way before the exams). I was used to not spending every day with the same people that I didn't even really feel the need to say goodbye. I think it somehow saddens me in a way cause it was these people that I never really bothered getting in touch with but at least it didn't hurt.

I guess I could say the same happened during A-Levels exams. I don't think I really had a longer than 2 minute conversation with anyone outside Tea Party. Then the trip came and everything was screwed up. Because we were close pre-exam, it was so comfortable to talk to some of them. I think I bonded to a few people that I only had awkward conversations with before (one of them thanks to the love of just soaking in the water). What's the point though? What's the point of forming new bonds that would only last a period of a few days?

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, I would say realistic (or as Romeo calls it 'down to earth') but I have not much hope in seeing anyone again. I mean yes, even if we do keep to our once a year plan, it wouldn't be the same. No one would be that close anymore. Maybe the gangs would be with each other in some ways but that's it. Is it weird that i'm missing people outside my gang more than in? Maybe I optimistically believe that it would take a long time for Tea Party to break up (though recently I've had my doubts) and so I'm not so worried about that yet. To quote Shu Why, you can call any Tea Party member and say 'I miss you, let's hang out' but can't really say that to anyone outside without sounding odd. So yea... maybe I'm being both optimistic and pessimistic at the same time.

So yea, I'm just really out of it. I'm not going to say I'm gonna bawl like a baby 2moro cause it's hard to make me cry. Tear up, easy, but cry, no. Doesn't mean I won't miss everyone though. Lolz, if you are not the hugging type and I ask for a hug just let me know kay? I like hugs and am kinda a touchy feely person so yea. Just let me know if you uncomfortable, I won't mind. Cya

:D Tumblr is bloody awesome. http://pitsofdepression.tumblr.com/ Haha I just followed my blogname so it's easy to find. XD Fell in love with it all over again. Just have to warn you guys about language cause I've filled my page with quotes from Otis from a movie who won an award for most curse words in so yea be careful. :)

Farewells

Chemistry, I am honestly not ready to say goodbye to you. You have always been an interesting subject which I never really cried, 'I've no interest to learn this' (even inorganic now). I'm hoping that Medicine has enough of you to keep me satisfied. You will always be my favourite science and I will never forget you.

Maths, I will miss you very much. You have been my favourite subject since primary and I don't want to stop. Perhaps I shall give tuition in tribute to you because I can't see my life without you. Will this be a reason I regret joining Medicine? Perhaps, but I guess I can't do maths for the rest of my life and to be honest I'm kinda relieved vectors is nowhere in my near future.

Physics, good luck and good riddance. I used to like you once when you were more logical. Now you were the source of my feelings of utter hopelessness. I was ready to say farewell to you many times this year. If ever I considered taking Engineering, you have convinced me otherwise. I guess I have to thank you for that. I will not miss you. Farewell.

Bio, I have just begun to touch you (eww...sounds wrong) in both the near and far sense. A week more before I say goodbye to the A-levels you but hello to a harder you for another 5 years. Please be kind to me as I do not have the memorizing power you need. I have slowly begun accepting you as my companion. We were enemies once, but sometimes enemies make the best friends (I should know, {smiles in nostalgia}). So please do not betray me and make me cry because I will hate you for as long as I live even if you were my roommate. :(

Feelin' Chicken

you're killing me with bacon, america
killing me with smog and taxes like axes in my neck
like hogs to the slaughter
what do i tell my daughters?
daddy's all heart but he's pushing bird way downtown
where the skin is brown and eyes are the size of the deficit?

you're killing me with bacon, america
just like the indians with tobacco and flour and fire water
balls, scabs, and rehab
sick in the blood face down in the mud
all hype and gripe and stars and stripes
ain't my flag today

i wanna belong, i wanna be proud
but your gay bashing voices are so fuckin loud
my choices shrinkin like bacon in the pan
spatter of hot grease spitting like mad geese
bombers and baghdad!
i am a college grad
but my life is a want ad

you're killing me with bacon, america
how shall i pray? the old fashion way?
down on my knees to the god of the weak?
or dig deep in my squeeze
wearing a red rubber nose clown clothes laughing as we go and saying something stupid like

I had to post this. Bill Moseley writes awesome poetry and while I'm not American I can identify with most of the lines. As you can probably tell from my tumblr and facebook, my favourite line is 'I wanna belong, I wanna be proud but your gay-bashing voices are so fucking loud.' It could just be my tagline. It says all I want to say if asked why I'm not as 'Christian' as I should be.

Bill Moseley/Nivek Ogre

There goes my resolution on the only real life pairing I'd ship is RDJ and Jude Law. Haha too bad you can't see Bill's face in this. Haha these two are so adorable together. I watched a bloody crap show just to see these two act together again. Haha well the show was awful, these two were just awesome. Haha I have a feeling they'd know the appeal they have together. I don't see any other reason for the scene where Ogre had that smile on his face like he'd rape Bill. But seriously for a (rock?)star and a horror movie legend they are awfully humble in interviews.

I suck at titles and summaries

Stupid blogger was down the whole day so I had to copy and paste this from word cause I was terrified I’d lose interest in writing out this post. Am so close to actually.

Well remember my last post about writing the story (which Blogger may or may not have deleted). Yea well two nights in a row while sleeping at 5 was what it took to finish it. I know I should be studying but yea, don’t feel so bad about it anymore.

When I wrote this story I knew I was writing another fanfiction story to suit my whim and fancy. What I never expected was what writing this story made me feel. Have you ever written or read or watched something that made walk away feeling like some part of you was lost or taken. I’m not talking about the serious kind when you break up or lose someone you care about. I can’t even explain the feeling really but that’s what I feel right now. I feel like writing that story took something from me that I can never get back.

I know it sounds over-dramatic or even some blatant attempt at promotion but it’s not. When I wrote the story I was this close to crying. I didn’t even do what most people suggested which is put myself in the characters position and write. I didn’t cause I just couldn’t imagine it, I didn’t want to. Yea Yea dear Charmaine has a heart, deal with it.

I had problems writing the character at first, I was convinced it sounded nothing like the original. That was when a voice whispered to me, ‘dude, the guy just lost his brother. Of course he’s not going to sound like himself.’ Boom immediately the words flowed from my hand. I stopped looking at him as Luigi the character, I looked at him as Luigi, the guy who discovered his dead brother sprawled on the floor. I stopped worrying about how he sounded, was he angry enough, did he even care?

I think this is one of the few times I wrote a story that I was so emotionally invested in. I think up to that I can only name 3, the terminator one (don’t ask), the abuse story I wrote for my exam (even this didn’t last long) and this. I have never cared so much about what was going to happen to the characters until now because I didn’t write the story, the story wrote itself and I was just the reader.

I think the first thing anyone who reads the story (if I ever decide to let anyone read) would say is, “These people are evil/horrible or something to that tone.” That’s because I’m not writing a story about a bad thing that happened to good people. I’m writing a story about a bad thing that happened to bad people and they still feel shit about it. I always hated the way (hong kong dramas especially) like to put the bad guys through shit towards the end, making us feel ‘hah, he deserved that.’ I wanted to write this story in a way that no one deserves that, not even if that guy is a murderer or just a mean-spirited fellow. I know not many people will agree as we can see on online comments “that rapist’s wife should get raped so he knows how it feels.” I have yet to agree or disagree with that comment but I wanted my story to reflect that bad people feel too.

Well that’s all I can think of writing. Am still feeling a little drained (ah yes that’s the word I was looking for) from writing the story. I can’t even watch any video with the characters (even a comedic one) without feeling worse than I already do. I think I really better get on with studying or I’d flunk my exams and really have something to cry about. Well good luck guys and ciaoz.

PS Aisyah I really want you to read this story since I think you’ve read all the stories that actually mattered to me. Haiz too bad I don’t have time to type it up and you are too busy with you’re exams. Oh well. Good luck then.

OMG it's 3 in the morning and I'm not studying Chem, I'm not practising maths; I'm writing a God damned story that is already 10 pages long and counting. Why did I start? Why? Granted this may just be my best work but still. I have to study. Why does all my inspiration come during the exams? Why? I'm so gonna screw next week.

HAH! Take that self-deprecating voice! Take that!

Hey guys. Wanted to take the time to tell you how much I appreciated what you guys have done for my birthday. I'm so sorry I've cause you guyz to waste so much of your study time. I know how much you guyz study and I'm so sorry and I really appreciate it. :)

I wanted to reply to your letters one by one but then I realized that I'd have nothing to write for the letters I'd swear I'd write to you all after A2. I'd just wanted to say that your letters made me grin in reminiscence and am touched by everything you have said. I had honestly no idea you had thought of me so or that certain memories had affected you in the way you described.

I love you guys so much and I dread the moment we will part. Spending time with you guys is the only reason I have decided not to apply for study leave because I don't want to waste any more time especially those of you who decided to flee the country. :( Can I kidnap you and tie you somewhere? UK is very far away. Singapore wouldn't be so bad.

I will never forget the last year and a half and all the memories we have shared. I pray we'd continue forging this memories even far in the future. Hey a girl can dream can't she? :D

ISAT

Haha ok last thing to worry about before A2 is over. Now can concentrate on the stupid exam instead of goofing off and updating my blog...oh. Haha do you know we had to sign a non-disclosure contract. I mean seriously? Paranoid much. No wonder it was so hard to any information related to it. Didn't expect it to be so tough though... but i guess it could have been worst. By the 50th question I was begging it to end. No more no more. Me and Shu Whey were literally lying on the board separating us and doing the test like that. T_T Yikes. Thank god for the math questions. If not I think I'd have fallen asleep on the table already. Haha k lar I wanna go 'study' already. Ciaoz

an anodyne makes you feel good

Just trying out something new. Hopefully this will earn me some money and increase creativity. :)

FAIL

Mwahahahahahahaha I failed Physics. I'm so proud of myself it's my first fail. Hahaha I bet you all expected me to emo right? Haha I was grinning throughout Physics class and couldn't stop. Don't ask me why, maybe cause that's what I expected to get with only 3 studied chapters and me being sick on the same day. Expected to get at least 1 crapping mark for application. Haiz there goes my queen of crapping status. XD Haha overall my results were about expected, maths was a grade higher and bio about a grade lower. Doesn't matter I have very colourful results this time. XD

Okay so it seemed like ranting day on blogs in general (and some facebooks) so I decided to join them as well. Pet peeves about exam reactions that I can't stand the most:-

1. Post Exam: OMG I am so failing this exam. I would be so happy if I could just pass. Post results: Nooooooooooooo I got a C/D. Why didn't I get an A/B? Ok so I know most people don't really have a problem with this but I do. It irritates me to no end. I mean if you think you'd get a B after the exam just say so. Why do you have to go around saying about how much you'd fail if you didn't mean it? Seriously hope and expectation are 2 different things. I expected my Thinking Skills to be B, I hoped it would be A. I got an A, thank god but if I had a B after going around telling people I expected it, I'm not going to go moan about how sad it is I didn't get an A. Haha maybe said people just went around telling people they will fail because they don't want to seem cocky or something but meh same diff after.
2. A: So how much did you get? B: Low >_< A: What is low? 80? If I was B, probably this would cue me walking away. Ok nvm, sarcastic answer maybe? I told myself I would have said that. Luckily no one did or they'd face my 3 hour sleep grumpiness. Ok I'd admit I've done this once or twice but I try to do it to those irritating people who tell me the same thing just to let them know how it feels. However that fails spectacularly and it's like giving them a green light to go on with it. Hence me only liking to tell my marks to people of same standard cause they tend to be a little more realistic.

Yeap thats my 2 main pet peeves about examination results. I probably have a couple more that I haven't experienced yet for mock so haven't really thought about it. Am glad we are out of secondary school where kiasuness and getting positions are over. Haiz seriously some people can be really irritating, I hate it when the people who are not connected start making comments. Ex, CS: Wah, you know if blabla's chinese not counted you are only higher than 1 mark!

Gee thanks I feel so much better now. This is your problem why? >_> Yea yea thank god I was over the kiasu phase by then or else I'd get into a full-blown argument with him. Haiz

Haha alright then. Am going to sit in the corner and puzzle what the hell I did wrong in chem. It was about the grade I expected but a low grade. Need to find out why.

Zydrate Anatomy

I was just reading it and then I wondered whether it was me you were talking about. I don't want to seem overly sensitive but sometimes you just have the sense of it and I do. I guess if you know I'm talking about you then it is true that you were talking about me. It's just the way it works. Is it wrong that I feel disappointed? I should have seen this coming from a mile away. Perhaps if this was a normal day I would have just apologized or ignored it but I'm too irritated and frustrated to care.

Perhaps if that's the way you really feel then maybe we should not remain friends because I can't change who I am. I am self-loathing by nature and I'm not doing it for attention. I'm sorry if you can't stand that but it's really not something I can change. I don't have time to go on and on and I'm not ready for a confrontation so I'm not going to say much more. I'm just irritated and I'd probably stop caring by the end of the week. If you weren't talking about me then I apologize for being overly sensitive and you can yell at me all you want. I just don't like 2-faced people and I was just growing to really care for you. Maybe I was wrong as usual and the feeling was just one-side? It doesn't matter I guess, I'm used to being alone and as they say Status Quo is God.

Wah so fast a new post not bad. XD Haha that's so my style. I think you guys can wait another 3 months for the next one after this.

Truly I just want to rant but the things I want to rant about, well I never know if they will read my blog and I don't want them to get angry or hurt or guilty. I think it's my fault really for not learning the language but I'm not going to kill myself over learning it now. I mean there are so many more languages I WANT to learn why not waste my time doing that. It's not their fault lar really it's mine. My codependent paranoid tendencies. I really think I'm over thinking everything lar I mean I just chatted with 5 people on facebook at a time. I should not feel this way still but it's been so long that I can't help it.

I'm trying really to socialize more and I apologize to the sub-gang if I'm destroying your alone time. Maybe it's just the exam stress that's getting to me and I'm channelling all my frustrations at a source. Maybe I'm just too used to people hating me and I'm just waiting for that moment for that someone to turn around and tell me to **** off. I've already done it to my chem lecturer, it won't be long before one of the gangs do that to me too or worse yet....... This bloody sucks......

I wonder how many people are bored of reading my blog. I mean it's emo post after emo post. It's not I'm never happy. It's just I have no interest to blog when I am. I think my old posts were definitely better when they actually had content instead of emo mutterings. I should get the blackliner and bangs and everything that goes with it. Haiz sorry guyz for the ones waiting for those deep meaningful blog (read Shu Wheys), or funny ones (read Pik Ee's) or thought provoking (read Keefe's) or Japanese band filled (read Aisyah's) {You guys better pay me for promotion} I'm just an overdramatic writer so yea things sound like from some bad soap opera.

Klar guyz I have procastinated enough. I have to get back to studying cause i just know my weekends will be filled. Ciao then.

Shu Whey made me write something. She was complaining that I haven't posted in so long. I was supposed to have posted something about Rocky Horror but I've drifted into my emo mood.

SPM results were out today. I can't believe it's been a whole year since mine came out, since my last epic failure. I thought I was over this whole thing but I guess I'm still really angry at myself. I mean it couldn't have been too hard to get straight A+ I'm just a stupid lazy bint. I think that's why I hate it when everyone says I'm smart. I can't help but think it sounds sarcastic and it just reminds me of my greatest failure. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I can't help but imagine them thinking why can't I score better than that lazy bitch.

I think I'm too overconfident and someone has to slap me once in a while. But how can I be overconfident without the self-esteem to back it up. even Mr Leonard says it's impossible. So what is it? I pretend to be overconfident or I pretend to have a low self-esteem? That's a good question because honestly I'd like neither thank you very much. Perhaps it's not overconfidence but I just expect too much out of myself, hence the low self-esteem. That might be it... but then again most people who expect a lot from themselves are confident if not with themselves then their abilities... Hmn....

People say I think too much... I guess so. I don't like being philosophical but maybe I'm just curious. I mean seriously I am so proud of my conclusion why men are more homophobic then women though there are no stats behind them. I loved going around asking questions like the previous one I asked 'would you rather sleep with a member of the same sex or a corpse of a different sex?' I thought I was weird for choosing the living rather than dead but no. EVERY female I asked chose a female whereas EVERY male I asked chose the corpse. Like OMG are you serious? I was shocked and excited...for awhile... I pity the Tea Party Gang for falling prey to all my weird questions. They probably think I'm some high-minded philosopher. Nah I'm just ADD prone with way too much on my mind.

Well that's it I guess. Sorry about the ramblings. I do plan my posts ahead of time to know what to write but the problem is once I've written it in my head I don't bother remembering anything or writing it down so yea it's all over the place.

PS. Yea great thanks to my wonderful best friend my stats above are RUINED. Oh well back to the drawing board.

Honest Ramblings

I have honestly nothing to post about. Actually I have plenty to post about but no mood to write about it. I envy those people who feel the determination to prove people wrong when they are looked down upon or insulted. They can just struggle through just to have the chance to prove the other person wrong. I don't. I just fall deeper into myself and believe everything they say. I hate it. I want to prove him wrong. I really do but I've just lost interest. I've lost interest in the subject, I've lost interest in the class and I've lost interest (maybe even respect) for him. I don't feel like pleasing him any longer and I see no reason to look any better in his eyes. I want to act out. I want to be the worst I can be, just to wipe it into his face. But no I'm not going to screw myself over for that. I'm not even angry anymore I'm just...apathetic. I just want to get over this exams and just go to the next stage.

But...I don't see myself enjoying the next stage either. I don't see myself happy in a new place making new friends doing something I may or may not like. 5 years does not seem too bad but I don't know. This seems just like another course that you have to play politics and backstab just to get noticed or just be perfect. I am not or don't do any of these things. I don't like it. It's the reason I hated being a prefect and it's the reason I enjoy college. I mean seriously to specialize you have to get the head of the department to like you and recommend you. Are you serious? People generally don't like me and I'm not going to pretend or suck up to someone but what can I do? That's what I have to do. Enjoy myself in medicine. Yea right. What happened to plain old psychology where all you had to worry about was your patient trying to kill you. XD

Let's see what else is up. Oh yea IELTS is coming up soon. I'd thought I'd enjoy it with how much I like English and all but nah it's a total bore to me. I'd think I'd enjoy SATs more but it's not a recognized English test so yea. I think the problem is I'm setting too high a band for myself. English is something that is there. If that's your band, that's your band. There isn't much you can do to improve it. I mean I've done 5 speaking tests already and I've not gone up a band yet. I don't really hold much hope for writing really. I think I sacrificed my factual skills for my story skills but I really don't regret that. I blame our education system really. I mean English IS my native language after all I should be much much better than I currently am. However with a horribly low standard of English and sometimes English teachers who have worse English than me, how am I supposed to improve? All I know is I'm stifled here. There isn't any other way my english can improve, not anymore. I hate it.

So anyway I have to commentate in church this week. Wheeeeeeeee and if you were too dumb to catch it, that was sarcasm. I know I wanted to do the readings initially, I have lost interest already. It's too fast to lose interest but I have. The change in head did not help things at all. I can't stand her, I'm sorry to say. Maybe it's cause I'm too used to the old one who was more supportive and hip. Haha I guess it doesn't help that I have had the worst year spiritually last year. I mean I was literally at a religious rock-bottom even though I prayed more...kinda. It's a horrible thing really to pray for faith. You need faith to pray and when you are just zapped of it you just have this voice in your head telling you you are talking to yourself and you are asking yourself for delusion medicine. Really it's just a whole lot of BS. I feel better now but I still don't want to stand in front of a crowd and talk. The old me used to like that but I don't anymore. I think the past year has turned me introverted but I don't mind really. I really don't mind it any way at all.

Well ciaoz

30 Songs In 30 Days

A new 30 day challenge!

Day 01 – Your favorite song

Day 02 – Your least favorite song

Day 03 – A song that makes you happy

Day 04 – A song that makes you sad

Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone

Day 06 – A song that reminds you of somewhere

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 – A song that you can dance to

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 – A song that describes you

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 – A song from your favorite album

Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29 – A song from your childhood

Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

Yoz!!!! So a new 30 day challenge thingy. I know I didn't finish the last one but since this is just songs I'm gonna try my best. Bad news is I'm gonna do it on Tumblr. I just opened a tumblr account to check it out so don't worry, I'm not dumping blogger. I just wanted to see what the big fuss was all about. So yea, wish me luck.

My Tumblr