I know it's a common INFP complaint that they feel no one is listening to them. It's so annoying. I dunno if it's a communication thing. Maybe it's my fault I dunno but sometimes I try so hard and no one listens.
It's so annoying to just sit there listening to conversations and you have things you want to say but you just don't dare to say them. And finally when you get the courage to say it, it's misinterpreted, it goes unheard/ignored or worst, it gets shot down. And you're sitting there thinking, let me just crawl back into the hole where I came from and never come back out or worse, when I let my Te come out as a defense mechanism and I'm misunderstood even more but this time it's by my own doing.
It's really so annoying.
Like how I try so hard to try to tell my cousin not to pursue Medicine if he's not interested. And I tell him things I don't even tell my parents like my family have no idea how hard Medicine is hitting me all they know is I hate studying. And I try so goddamn hard and it's Open Day all over again. The snide glances, the judging looks. And he started asking me how I did for SPM, how I did in school. Like what the hell does that matter? I'm telling you my view and you are judging how smart/lazy I am. As soon as I open my mouth I regretted it. He wouldn't understand unless he's in Med School. I don't think I would have gotten how hard it was pre-Med School anyway.
But it hurts so much to go unheard.
I had a discussion with some guy about a question and I disagreed with his answer. I tried to explain why I thought it was another way. I quoted websites for him. Did he listen? Who knows? Because he just ignored what I said and insisted that he was right. And...and I don't know how to put it to words. Like I said it may just be my communication problem I dunno but the way he made me feel. It made me feel like my opinion didn't matter. Like just because I wasn't one of the famous top students or something, I couldn't be right. If he addressed my points and told me how they were wrong, I'd accept it. But he treated me like I was stupid and stubborn on insisting my answer was right. Hey, I may have made a mental error and misjudged the answer, I dunno. But when I try so hard to help, to voice out my opinion, explain to me what I did wrong, not insist your answer is right and that I'm stubborn and complicating things. And I just feel angry, unheard and embaressed. And I can't delete my comments because it look like I merajuk or something. And good god, I don't even know if I'm getting my point across.
And I hate this so much because people keep saying 'speak up', 'you're too quiet', 'talk more'. Why must I change for you? Just because you are extroverted and these things come to you so easily, it's a nightmare for me. And everytime I put myself out, someone does or says something that makes me regret it immediately. My opinions matter. I'm sorry that I can't put what I want to say in words properly. But I have opinions and it matters. Not for it to be shot down anytime you feel I'm an easy target.
I dunno if I'm over-reacting because of stress. Or is it I keep reading that INFPs feel misunderstood or that they keep things buried deep. So I want to be heard, I want to be more open. But I dunno if I'm getting what I wanna say across or I just sound whiny. Who knows cause I honestly feel like giving up. It's like hearing all these INFPs going on about how they feel misunderstood or how hard it is to put their thoughts/feelings into words, I feel like, yea that's just me, that's just gonna happen. Why bother?
Forget it. I'm beyond tired. I dunno what I'm doing anymore. My batteries aren't recharging. My hermit state can't be activated cause I'm never really on my own in this house...not at the moment at least. @_@ I need an escape. Just 1 more week. If coming out of the exams don't send me into emo/depressed mode again, then things will probably get better.
Yea I think I'm going off to bed. I'm falling asleep on the table and I did virtually nothing today. I'm so tired. Maybe I've given up. It's like I don't care anymore. Maybe it's burnout, who knows? I'm just so fed up. I'm so bored, no, sick of studying. I have no one to talk to. I literally do nothing but eat, sleep, study and procastinate. The worst thing about this kind of procastination is I literally do nothing productive, nothing fun. It's just do anything but start studying. If I was watching a movie, or writing, or something that felt a little more fun/productive it'd be fine. But it's so much doing stupid things, I just can't.
Haha this is getting a bit too long now. I babble alot. Klar I wanna go sleep. I wish I'd remember my dreams though. I'm sure it'd be more fun than this...
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