Tomorrow's the big day. Haha made the mistake of not reminding my mom to wake me up for lunch so now, I think I'm only gonna sleep at 5am. Yikes. Yea, that's my timetable for you. I blame Sherlock, rewatching it kept me up the whole night.

So conclusion of all that fussing on what to wear for Uni, I've decided (drum roll) Jeans, T-shirt/blouse, shoes and no make-up or contacts. LOLZ What I usually wear for college anyway. A bit hard when asking for opinion. My mom kept complaining why I want to dress so nice, my bros ke ep asking me to dress nicer. X/ Thanks... I miss having friends going that I can bug the whole night before about what they are wearing.

I'm dressing up for second day though, dress (not really), contacts and make-up. Since we are taking pictures for our ID and the orientation is seperated to course based, might as well look good. I just don't want to attract the wrong crowd though, as in those who care alot about how they dress, look etc. Not that there's anything wrong with them, I just think it's too tiring (for me) to keep up. Then again, my college gang turned me into a girl. I never bothered with things like toning and moisturising among other things until I met them. Not exactly a bad thing but I dunno. If my friends dress up, I will too and again too much work and care for my part that I can't stand.

Urgh had a long discussion about religion with my mom the other day. I think she's not gonna force me to go to church anymore if I don't want to. But... I know if I leave the church now, I'd leave it for good. Just a feeling, at least if I keep going back there is always a chance my faith will come back. I told my mom clearly that once I go to JB I know I'm probably never gonna drag myself to church (too lazy among other things). Like I said in my previous post, I just don't care I guess. I do think there is someone upstairs, a god, a higher power, fate etc. I just don't believe that he is really that person from the bible or the torah or the quran or the scriptures nor do I believe that he isn't. And that is the extent of religion, there is a God, fullstop. Anything else doesn't really matter, not to me at least.

Well I guess that's all that's left to update. I'm hungry alot now I realize...maybe it's just my clock being upside down. Urgh I have no idea how to deal with the time but I guess I'll adjust. I still haven't decided whether to hang with anyone tomorrow or attack out on my own. I mean first day is a little hard to find coursemates since everyone is in the same hall. So cruel or pessimistic as it is, making friends from another course is a waste of time since you'd probably never talk to each other again. Same school might be ok but I'm leaning on same course.

Oooo now I found out that at camp we are going to be grouped with our PCL (similar to PBL) group mates I'm rather pleased. I think we will have no choice but to actually make friends with our group then since we will be together for the whole sem. It does do a little ganging a bit early, but haha I just want friends, I'm not gonna complain. I think it will take awhile but I'll find my niche eventually.

Haha ok guys, can't think of anything left to say. If I'm not too sleepy, I'll let ya know how things go tomorrow but I doubt there'd be anything interesting. Not tomorrow at least. Maybe I'll update on Tuesday night (after I pack my bags X/) Haha k then, ciaoz

I told myself I haven't updated in ages so I should write something. Then I reread my posts and realized I just posted something a few days back...now I'm lazy. XD

Wellllll... I'm starting Uni in 5 days time. I'm beyond excited. Hahaha anyone else who lives online (Shu Whey, Aisyah, Li Chin) will probably testify to that. Haha (What to wear? What bag to use? Should I wear makeup? Should I hang with my old college mates on the first day or attack the friendship pool?) Haha yea...it's times like these I feel like a girl...finicky. Lolz... Still really excited though. One week has never passed any slower. Haha give it a month or two, I'd be begging for classes to end.

(I have no idea what the hell is wrong with the Iphone 4 but I am going to kill someone soon)


Wow...Monash University student. Still can't believe it. I mean I'm 20. I don't feel old. Then again most, if not 99% of my friends already started Uni. I still can't believe it... I don't know what to expect honestly. I love how A-Levels was such a balance between school and uni that it may not even feel that big of a leap. Good god, projects... I really hope there are alot of group work because I may never remember to complete them on time. Nonono I bought the diary JUST so I can be more organized. List my to-do list and follow it. I'm not gonna screw med-school. Too pricey.

(I'm starving. Why didn't I eat dinner again? Right...because I had lunch at 4/5. X/) 


I'm even considering getting proper contacts and wearing them everyday...But I'm so lazy. I dunno whether it's because mine are korean made cheap knockoffs but my eyes are so tired by the end of the day. And if I dun wear them everyday, I really hardly ever touch them. I mean of course everyone looks better without glasses...but still...lazy. I don't think I look that different with or without glasses but of course I've memorized my face, of course I won't think that.

Ok I admit, there is a reason (other than laziness) why I'm not keen on wearing contacts and make-up (during the first week at least). For this I blame Taylor Swift or at least similar movies/videos etc. I'm not gonna maintain the makeup that's for sure. Lazy is not even begin to cover it. 2 weeks at the most. Y'know when you are used to seeing someone dressed well all the time and suddenly they don't it's like woah, what the hell happened? Vice versa for those who hardly dress up and suddenly do, it's like they clean up nicely. I dunno if I'm getting my point across but yea big reason why. In college it was fine cause my group of people wore glasses and didn't wear make-up so I fit in. I don't know what kind of friends I'm gonna make. Besides a certain friend of mine (who shall not be named but she knows who she is) wears makeup to college daily now...I kinda feel if she does it then why the bloody hell am I not. Haha...yea don't follow other people and all that shit but I dunno. Contacts or no contacts. Makeup of first 2 days or no makeup.... Decisions Decisions.

(Now I'm sure I'm hungry not bored. Too lazy to make something to eat. No CNY cookies left either... Yikes)


Haven't gotten any news from Maxis yet. I think I didn't get it. You can tell how selfish I am by being glad it didn't clash with my orientation week... Maybe I was a little over-confident. I kinda expected to go to the second round at least. At least even if I didn't get it then, it would mean that there simply are people better than me instead of me not being good enough. Stupid stupid stupid. The worse part is I can't think what I did wrong. I thought I did pretty well. I answered all the questions. Only stumbled at the change malaysia question. I asked her did how could I improve myself, she couldn't give me an answer so I assumed it meant I'd done well in her books. I guess I'm just not as good as I've been led to believe.

(My elbows are raw. i wonder if it's because they've been rubbing the leather for so long. I really should move.)


Well I guess that's it then. If I'm not sleepy I'd probably post something about orientation. Though I'd probably forget about it. The first day seems pretty boring but it's the second day I'm looking forward to.  Feel a bit weird about choosing my own timetable tho...or med students may not have it since we are not that big of a batch. I mean tutorials and lab, we are assigned so maybe thats the timetable we get to decide. Yikes, so not confident with my choosing abilities. Haha knowing me, I'd probably choose the times none of my friends go to. Ok then guyz, ciaoz.

Had an interesting convo about religion yesterday. Realized I sounded like an atheist. Haha I dunno why I said what I did. Secret thoughts or words of someone trying too hard. It wasn't even choosing the opposite side of the argument either cause it was a balanced side. Not even a debate, just venting.

"I think the world would be better without religion."
Paraphrasing of course but something like that. Of course it was the extremists on my mind but not my sole concern. Is this related to my anti-homophobia? Perhaps. Religion may not be the origin of homophobia (I don't think Buddhism is anti-homo but I've met many homophobes from there) but it's an excuse as well as a body to spread it.

I don't even know how I feel about the big man upstairs really. I don't think I anti-him. I'm not even sure if I disbelieve he exists but not in an agnostic sense. I dunno how to describe agnostic other than apathy about the big man and I think I'm too (as my horoscopes say) opinionated to rely on apathy. I don't like the whole there is nothing after you die thing which is honestly more depressing for me than hell is. (Not saying I'd prefer hell mind you. I can't even stand a puny needle)

Maybe it's cause I'm so used to being religious. I mean I don't think i was ever a mindless drone really. (Thanks to Prince of Egypt I always hated that particular story and my God could not possibly be like that.)  But I dunno... when something scares me (which is alot since I'm up alone at 3/4 most nights) I make the sign of the cross and a small prayer but... I honestly don't know how I feel about the whole thing.

I still identify myself as a Catholic I guess... but I'd probably call myself an Agnostic just because of the indecision even if that doesn't accurately define who I am. I think with or without religion I'm still the same person. Even during my 'religious' stages I never really thought, I'm not gonna have pre-marital sex because God says so but because it's not me, not my culture and not what I believe in. Even after I heard the whole no condom thing, I was like que sera sera, it's an odd rule after all.

I think people worry too much about what the big man upstairs think. I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing, some actually try to be a better person because of it but I think it's really tiring mission. To get into the pearly gates I mean. I dunno, there's already enough of this life to worry about than to worry about the afterlife as well.

The problem about religion is that there is no one you can talk to about this. A religious person will try to convert you or tell you what you are doing wrong, same with Atheists(except they'll tell you, you are right on the road to sanity). The extremist of both batches hate each other so much but they have so much in common. Even agnostics I have tried to talk to haven't helped, and religion is such a sensitive subject that you can't say the wrong thing.

What if I choose not to care about the big man? Does that make me a hypocrite? Refusing to go to church because I feel nothing there but making a sign of the cross for comfort. I went for a couple of months being unreligious to a couple of months being religious. It was definitely less confusing then. I don't even scoff at the ridiculousness of the bible anymore I just don't care about it. I feel defensive when people attack catholics or even the pope but I can't help feel it's more of a reflex action or like it's a personal attack on me. I dunno...I'm so confused.

I don't love him.
I don't hate him.
I don't believe he's there.
I don't believe there's no God.
But I can't bring myself not to care.