Just for Laughs

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

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To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't DisguiseYour Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

6. Finish All Your sentences with'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

It's Called ... THERAPY

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Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?




Words and Thoughts to live by--

~A day without sunshine is like...night.

~On the other hand, you have different fingers.

~42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.

~Remember, half the people you know are below average.

~He who laughs last thinks slowest.

~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

~How many of you believe in physokineses? Raise my hand. (I FINALLY GOT IT!)

~OK. . .so what's the speed of dark?

~When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

~Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

~Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

~Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

~Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines.

~Why do psychics have to ask your name?

~Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

~Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.