Happy Birthday Aisyah!

Wow, can't believe it's been 11 years since we've met. Haha I feel really old now. Enjoy your birthday and Good Luck in SPM.

Wow ok, way too many things to blog about today. I have this stupid flu/cough/sore throat/headache that's getting on my nerves. So I'm skipping school for 2 days.Ok partly because I'm lazy but still...

Ok I'm posting a warning here. While not as emo as my last post, this might be interpreted as racist, cynical and angry (I'm perfectly calm now) so for those of you who are small hearted (haha direct translation) then please don't read. Ok so I'm watching the Michael Jackson funeral and they were singing the songs promoting World Peace like We are the Children and Heal the World. They are talking about World Harmony and all that crap and it got me thinking is World Peace truly achievable. I mean everyone is racist. Whether a little or alot. Hell all my friends are racist. I don't think you could even name one who wasn't. It's just the degree or level of racistness. ( That is so not a word.)

I happily admit I'm racist. I hate the bunch of people who rule my country but it doesn't mean I stay away from them or do hate crimes. Hell, in form 1 almost all my friends were malay. However they prove to me why I don't like these people. It's not that I don't give them a chance it's how it is.

Ok back to the subject. I have no idea how bad is racism in America right now but I'll just assume that they are better than us (At least they have a voice.) Now I'm not saying that TV is law but I'm sure that there is certain truth in it. Now whenever a white person kills a black person, the community accuses him of being racist. If the court can't pin it on the man, the whole black (& minorities) assume they the judge or jury are racist. Again I'm assuming that the racist conditions between black and whites are better than ours after all that crap they've been through. I mean there are those racist people but aren't the blacks being racist as well? There may not be wars, but how long will it take for the community not to look at color? Don't get me wrong, I know it's not the blacks fault, it's been embedded in their mindset. Just like in this country. The malays have the mindset that they deserve more then any other race. The chinese have the mindset that the malays are lazy pigs who get everything free. The indians think that they are being oppressed by everyone (but mostly the malays.)

Indians I know who I thought were these nice fellows began to show racism to the chinese. Then there are those mango chinese who have a problem with indians because they are black (like wth?). And of course my dear friend had a problem with Jesus being played by an Indian person in a play. Hello? Jesus wasn't chinese either. The best are the people fighting that Jesus IS their race. Hello? Jesus wasn't white or black or oriental or hispanic or arabian or jewish...wait...he was...

Malaysians aren't allowed to go to Israel because Israel is/was warring with Arab. This shouldn't have anything to do with us. We are Malaysians not Arabian descendants. (Er...I hope you understand what I mean by that) We are forced (malays mostly) to support Arab in the war just because they share the same religion. Israelites are not welcomed into our country. Hello? Wake up people. The war does not involve US it involves two parties who have been fighting forever for a piece of land that used to belong to Israel but now it belongs to Arab so get a grip people. You don't see Indonesia still trying to claim Malaysia because they used to own us. However I firmly believe that if it belongs to someone give it back. I find it pathetic that they are fighting for this 'Holy Land' when the Arabians already have their own Holy Place. Why fight? No offense to anyone but I firmly believe Jerusalem belongs to the Jews, they have lived there forever. The Muslims claim it is theirs because they claim they are God's chosen people. Hello? Christians and Jews claim that as well. (I believe we are all God's people) We are fighting for something that only God can decide.

I don't think I need to tell you about Malaysia I think you people know yourself how bad it is. If Malaysia can have true racial harmony, any country can. Ok that's about all I can think of writing. Can we heal the world? We can try. Can the world achieve World Peace? I'm sorry but I truly doubt it. I remember this one time we were doing a seni project with Aisyah and Li Chin and we were suppose to just to this mobile. I suggested that we take the sign of all the religions of the world and hang them together showing unity. They told me it was too controversial. Tell me, how can unity between religions be controversial? Is it because people rather have the supremacy of one?

OMG So cute lar. Zhuge Liang was on par but while recognizable, Sima Yi doesn't look so accurate. Neither does Zhang He but he's chibi so no comment.

BOYS NOT ALLOWED

Last Sunday I went to watch this play called Good Body...It was touching...life-changing (kinda). I can't explain what it is about maybe I should just post the intro

In the midst of a war in Iraq, in a time of escalating global terrorism, when civil liberties are disappearing as fast as the ozone layer, when one out of three women in the world will be beaten or raped in her life time, why write a play about my stomach?

Maybe because my stomach is one thing I feel I have control over, or maybe because I have hoped that my stomach is something I could get control over. Maybe because I see how my stomach has come to occupy my attention, I see how other women’s stomachs or butts or thighs or hair or skin have come to occupy their attention, so that we have very little left for the war in Iraq—or much else, for that matter.When a group of ethnically diverse, economically disadvantaged women in the United States was recently asked about the one thing they would change in their lives if they could, the majority of these women said they would lose weight. Maybe I identify with these women because I have bought into the idea that if my stomach were flat, then I would be good, and I would be safe. I would be protected.I would be accepted, admired, important,loved. Maybe because for most of my life I have felt wrong, dirty, guilty, and bad, and my stomach is the carrier, the pouch for all that self-hatred. Maybe because my stomach has become the repository for my sorrow, my childhood scars, my unfulfilled ambition,my unexpressed rage. Like a toxic dump, it is where the explosive trajectories collide—the Judeo-Christian imperative to be good; the patriarchal mandate that women be quiet, be less; the consumer-state imperative to be better, which is based on the assumption that you are born wrong and bad, and that being better always involves spending money, lots of money. Maybe because, as the world rapidly divides into fundamentalist camps, reductive sound bites, and polarizing platitudes, an exploration of my stomach and the life therein has the potential to shatter these dangerous constraints.

The Good Body began with me and my particular obsession with my “imperfect” stomach. I have charted this self-hatred, recorded it, tried to follow it back to its source. Here, I am my own victim, my own perpetrator. Of course, the tools of my self victimization have been made readily available. The pattern of the perfect body has been programmed into me since birth. But whatever the cultural influences and pressures, my preoccupation with my flab, my constant dieting, exercising, worrying, is self imposed.I pick up the magazines. I buy into the ideal. I believe that blond, flat girls have the secret. What is far more frightening than narcissism is the zeal for self-mutilation that is spreading, infecting the world.

I have been to more than forty countries in the last six years. I have seen the rampant and insidious poisoning: skin-lightening creams sell as fast as toothpaste in Africa and Asia; the mothers of eight-year-olds in America remove their daughters’ ribs so they will not have to worry about dieting; five-year-olds in Manhattan do strict asanas so they won’t embarrass their parents in public by being chubby; girls vomit and starve themselves in China and Fiji and everywhere; (Korean women remove Asia from their eyelids)I think of you Pik Ee. . . the list goes on and on.

I have been in a dialogue with my stomach for the past three years. I have entered my belly—the dark wet underworld—to get at the secrets there. I have talked with women in surgical centers in Beverly Hills; on the sensual beaches of Rio de Janeiro;in the gyms of Mumbai, New York, Moscow; in the hectic and crowded beauty salons of Istanbul, South Africa, and Rome. Except for a rare few, the women I met loathed at least one part of their body. There was almost always one part that they longed to change, that they had a medicine cabinet full of products devoted to transforming or hiding or reducing or straightening or lightening. Just about every woman believed that if she could just get that part right, everything else would work out. Of course, it is an endless heartbreaking campaign.

This play is my prayer, my attempt to analyze the mechanisms of our imprisonment, to break free so that we may spend more time running the world than running away from it; so that we may be consumed by the sorrow of the world rather than consuming to avoid that sorrow and suffering. This play is an expression of my hope, my desire, that we will all refuse to be Barbie, that we will say no to the loss of the particular, whether it be to a voluptuous woman in a silk sari, or a woman with defining lines of character in her face, or a distinguishing nose, or olive toned skin, or wild curly hair.

I am stepping off the capitalist treadmill. I am going to take a deep breath and find a way to survive not being flat or perfect. I am inviting you to join me,to stop trying to be anything, anyone other than who you are. I was moved by women in Africa who lived close to the earth and didn’t understand what it meant to not love their body. I was lifted by older women in India who celebrated their roundness. I was inspired by Marion Woodman, a great Jungian analyst, who gave me confidence to trust what I know. She has said that “instead of transcending ourselves, we must move into ourselves.”Tell the image makers and magazine sellers and the plastic surgeons that you are not afraid. That what you fear the most is the death of imagination and originality and metaphor and passion. Then be bold and LOVE YOUR BODY. STOP FIXING IT. It was never broken.

I started weeping around the bolded text. Mainly I blame PMS but yea I felt it. I understood exactly what they mean. I understood what it was like to think that things would be SO different if I was thinner, prettier, perfect. What is it like to love your body? Thin girls want to gain weight, fat girls want to lose it. Short girls want to grow taller, Tall girls wish they were shorter. It's a been there, done that formula. No one is ever happy. Why? It's disturbing to watch stick-thin girls starve themselves to lose weight when I see myself do nothing about mine. Guilty, dirty, bad. Those words always ring in my head when I look in the mirror. save to say I stopped looking. Until now I can't find a single thing I can like about myself.

I used to be proud I had big breasts. That's what people looked for right? My mother never failed to remind me how much bigger my breasts were from hers. Hello? You're not part Indian, I am. it's in the genes. Not only that, you weren't stuff with a shot-load of hormones from KFC. Then y'know people start talking. I can't remember who, but then someone casually mentioned to me once that chinese boys never like girls with big boobs. They find it too (can't remember the chinese word she used) showy or something. Ok it was obvious she was talking to me. Then of course we have people like Pik Ee and Celeste saying how big my breasts were. I remember telling Pik Ee about how chickens nowadays had hormones injected in them and that's why men were developing boobs. 'Oh looks like you ate too much chicken lar.' she answered. Ouch! Thanks alot Pik Ee. That was the boost of self-confidence I needed. Of course then we got Kuan Ngee and the chinese girls in our class bitching and making fun of Reka's enormous boobs. So yea now I officially HATE my breasts.

There was this one line in the play that I remembered so well and was pretty touched by. There was this 80 year old character talking about the numerous plastic surgeries she had done mainly because her mother always told her she was never beautiful and all that crap. They she said that her husband told her she was beautiful as she was. She said that didn't count because 'He loves me'. That's what I never understand. Parents say they love you so why can't they ever say you are perfect the way you are. Half of the people on Good Body were disturbed because of their parents. Why are they so caught up in this image thing as well? Friends. What does it matter if you are bigger, smaller, fatter, thinner than one another? It is not affecting them in any way. I remember Kuan Ngee bitched continuously in Form 3 & 4 about how fat Raihan was. What does it matter to her if Raihan was fat or not. She wasn't stealing your food or taking your place. What does it matter to her? People wonder why I don't feel safe around Kuan Ngee. God knows whether she is telling Pik Ee about how fat I am or how big my boobs are.

I remember telling myself after the play I wouldn't feel so insecure anymore. This is my life, not my parents, not my friends and definitely not the guy who may or may not take me for prom. Yea i woul love a boyfriend, but I don't need a guy to tell me how beautiful I am. Well, that's what I told myself. It's not that bad as before but dreams are tempting. I would give anything to be safe, protected, accepted, admired, important and most of all loved.

R.I.P
Michael Jackson

Ok I was totally shock when I heard the news. I was seriously like WTF? I felt sad y'know that this guy, this artist is dead. However I can't say that Michael Jackson changed my life and all that crap. I mean when they were playing his songs throughout the day he dies I was like 'OMG MJ sang this not some random female'. But seriously I liked most of his songs but I never grew up with the music. Wrong time period. he was just the guy on TV who I kept 4gettin whether he Was a guy or a girl. With my 'mature' mind, the next I knew about him was that disgusting child molester. I was like, who cares if he's a great singer, he's a freakin pervert. Then again, it was then I realized that Hollywood was never beautiful. It was filled with 'ugly' people. So who was MJ to me? He was just that guy. That singer. The one Weird Al makes wonderful parodies of. I can just conclude that MJ meant very little to me. So can someone tell me why was I sad when he died? A reaction to death? I remember that ep on House where the Cutthroat Bitch was dying and everyone went to pay their respects. Kutner was like 'we didn't even like her'; Foreman answers 'She wasn't dying then.' Is that what death is? People will only wonder about you after you are dead. It was like this ad about Pope John Paul II I used to see. When he was alive no one knew him or cared about him or even bothered to listen to him. And yet when he died, he got so much attention. Everyone knew him. Everyone knew what he was preaching about. Is this life? is this death? Did I feel sad 4 MJ because he was dead? I never cared about him but I felt a trace of the pin his fans felt worldwide. Is this what it's like when someone dies?

Hehe erm...nothing much to say so erm yea...

How well do you know me?

Yea it's this quiz everyone was doing on facebook. So yea, pretty easy for anyone who heard me rant in my life. So yea, try it out. Good luck guys

Woah...Went to Sunway with some of the wonderful people in our class. We were supposed to watch a movie than go ice skating. The others went to see Night at the Museum 2 where else me, Pik Ee and Kuan Ngee went to see Star Trek cause Pik Ee already saw Night at the Museum. I didn't mind either way, anything was better than the bloody Angels and Demons. I was more keen to see Night as I just watched the first one a few days ago again. I didn't mind watching Star Trek tho as I really, really wanted to see how Zachary(Sylar) would do as Spock. Turned out Star Trek was great. It wasn't so cliche as most movies seriously.

(Major spoiler alerts throughout the post. If possible ignore everything in purple if u dun wanna spoil the story. If u can't ignore the whole post and jump to the last 2 paragraphs) I mean I expected Kirk to get the girl, not Spock and it happened without the whole rivalry thing. And of course, future Spock didn't go back to the future.

So anyway, the characters were all lovable which surprised me. I mean I don't like all the characters in the show. Especially the girl, but they did it in such a way that you had no choice but to. The three captains (not Kirk) showed real leadership and knew how to protect their crew.The one one the far left is this cute Russian kid, Chevov or something. His English is really funny. Wictor,Wictor! ANyway, he's funny cute and likable oh and he's 17.
Next to him is James T. Kirk our very own hero. Ok he's hot. Not my type but even I have to admit he's hot. Dun really like his typical hero character but he is pretty well done (sorry I like mine rare XD). This pic so doesn't display his hotness. He's funny as well, says the most random things at times. 'I am Spock!' '...Bullshit!' Think he acted in Princess Diaries 2 or something. He's cool but I'll never forgive him for taunting Sylar oops I mean Spock like that even if Future Spock told him to. PoorSy-I mean Spock.
Besides him, towards the back it Scotty. Nice accent, can't remember from where tho. He's funny and I love his pet 'monkey'. It's eyes are creepy tho.
Besides him towards the front is Dr. Bones. His real name is Leonard(wth?) can't remember why they called him bones. At first I thought he was going to be the annoying divorced fella' but other than the first time, the divorce was never mentioned. Good fellow.
Ok next to him is Sulu(what kind of name is that?) Not sure what race he is(him or the actor). Read from somewhere he was Jap(Sulu). I was so sure he would die but then I recognize the name Sulu...wasn't he part of the crew? Then I knew he was safe. Haha I kept imagining Kumar(Harold and Kumar) popping out from the back tho.
Next to him is Uhura. Anything good I can say about her is spoilers so: I respect her cause they didn't try to do the whole love triangle and she being torn thing. They kept her loyal. Even then she knew when to comfort Spock and when to just back down. She isn't one of those clingy girls who get pissed off when their boy doesn't share his feelings. All in all I like her (I hardly like female characters) because she is different and she didn't steal screen time like all the other 'heroines'.
Last but not least Sy-Spock. Ok I mean like wow. I mean no real complaints except for the hair. The first Spock wears it better. As Pik Ee would say the 'Ah Wong hairstyle'(some canto show about a mentally retard man) It was so weird hearing him sprout all this logical, scientifical crap. Like Bones said: I'm not a physicist. Pik Ee, Zachary is HOT! I went to forums and I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. I so wished I was Uhura. :'( He's a mighty fine kisser. Acting as superb, like most brilliant actors, he can convey emotions with his eyes. Haha obsessed rant again. I'm just so happy there are gonna be sequels. Tried to watch the first season. Couldn't stand the graphics and could barely understand them. Gave up.

So anyway, it was so weird watching a movie with Pik Ee. She was so emotional throughout the movie. She was already teary eyed at the start. WTH? it wasn't even sad. Of course when I felt sad at the middle I had to keep telling myself 'You're wearing eye-liner, luv. You so dun want to smudge it.' Stupid PMS. I don't feel like crying at movies! Anyway back to Pik Ee.
She would gasp and when Spock nearly crashed into the ship but survived she cried luckily. Hello, of course he wouldn't die. Kuan Ngee wasn't any better. When me and Pik Ee laughed she stayed silent. When it was the serious part and me and Pik Ee was silent she burst out laughing. Like WTH? Same thing like the people above us. They kept laughing at random things. Haha dun get me wrong guys, it's fun to watch with u all...except Kuan Ngee. Who cares if they've gone to skate? Stop smsing and watch the damn movie. XD

Haha after that we went ice skating. Not bad. I finally can skate without holding the side. Fell only once, so proud. Not bad lar but my feet hurt like hell after that. Haha kind of enjoyed the trip(of course mainly it was the movie) but still not bad. Damn you Helen and Sarah for not coming. Well, that's all I guess. Whoever who haven't watched Star Trek yet must watch. It's seriously worth it. Well farewell, Live long and prosper.

Angry

I think most of you would know who I'm bloody pissed off at. The bloody bitch has no right to speak to me that way. Who does she think she is? Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean I have no feelings. For those who don't know who I'm talking about then I won't say since things online have a way of getting around. All I can say it's about my English paper (no it's not Valsala).

I showed Vanket(sp?) the damn paper and she explained to me patiently about what was wrong with it. Why can't the bloody bitch do that instead of making a bloody fuss? This is what she commented on my paper: No originality. Write something to your level and something you are familiar with. This is Good but does not reflect your own work. A mere regurgitation of what you had read.

How the hell does she know that I copied the bloody thing? Is it really so unbelievable that I could write that on my own? Then maybe I should feel complimented. Since it was so good she doesn't believe it was my work. Even Vangket was surprised and suspicious when I said this was original. I don't read much about abuse, I only know what I see on TV and I don't think my story was like anything I've seen.

Don't get me wrong, I so get the whole not suitable for SPM thing. Even Vangket agrees with it however that doesn't give that bitch(not Vangket) any right to talk to me like that and assume she knows what is going through my mind when she doesn't even know me.

That's about it guys I need to cool down for a while. I just get really pissed off when people try to tell me what I feel. Hello? My feelings or yours? Pity your daughter lar. Probably would end up like you anyway.

WTF!? Speechless

How the hell could have Kris won? Even Kris knows he isn't as good as Adam. I mean seriously...
This is a quote from this girl in msn tv:-
America got it right an idol is someone you want your kids to look up to, with good values being gay is not a right, it usually comes from issues somewhere in your lifethat is not anything to model as a life style you would want yourkids to choose

What a b*tch! Seriously. Is she living in middle age? Gay people should not be discriminated but rather accepted. She then goes on to say that we should be faithful to God and not be gay or support gays. She even went as far to say God did not make Adam and Steve. If she truly was religeous then she should know that God created everyone. Gay, straight, white, black etc. She should go back to whatever rock she lived under.

(Takes a deep breath) So sorry about the rant. She got me so angry. I can't stand Christians (and Muslims) who go around saying they are better than others. I'm a Christian, a Catholic none the less and I feel very insulted by these close-minded people. Especially when they go around saying 'Only Christians will be saved' 'We Christians despise you' . Hello speak for yourself and not for everyone. You only embaress others. And the worst is they assume you are a terrible Christian if you don't share the same thoughts with them. Seriously man, enough.

Sigh. Back to American Idol. There is nothing wrong with Kris. I think he's a handsome dude but he just isn't talented enough. He played safe week after week. I mean this is American Idol take some risks like Adam did week after week. Yea Ring of Fire garnered complaints but it was a risk and there were people who actually liked it. It's great and all Kris can play the guitar (I'm not going to count the piano ><) and all but like I said this is a singing contest. The instuments are not for showing off how talented but to see whether it can bring out your vocals. People seem to forget that.

I was seriously 'oh my godding' when Kiss came out to sing with Adam. My eyes popped out of my socket and Adam could actually do it without being overshadowed by Kiss. And then the Queen song. It doesn'ty matter Adam didn't win, he'll be famous and become the next David Archuleta (eww I hate Archuleta). The biggest difference is only the title and I was so hoping for the first gay American Idol. Hopefully it shows that America doesn't discriminate but I was wrong.

The wierdest thing now is they say hackers got into the system to prevent Adam from winning. Like WTH? Modern technology really brings problems. Hopefully AI will up their system if this is true.

I just love it that Adam is so humble. It's so unsuiting of the persona he puts on on the stage but that's about it a persona. He is humble, sweet and can be the guy next door if he wanted to (but I don't want him to). My eyes popped out during the audition where he was so hyperactive. so unAdam like but like I said, stage persona.

I better start studying my chem now. Don't give up Adam. You will be a better star than Kris. Please come to Malaysia so I can scream my head off. XD

American Idol Finale

Oh my God! That's all I can say. The finale was wonderful and yet wierdly dissapointing. Not the singing mind you, more on the hype. It didn't feel like a finale at all. Maybe it was the lack of animosity between the two or the lack of competition. Anyway:-

Song 1
Mad World
Adam sang Mad World again. Oh my God! It broke my heart. It was so haunting and different. The dry ice, lighting, voice. It was perfect. I loooooooovvvveeeee the trench coat. What the hell is wrong with you Simon? You give great comments vocally but stay out of fashion. I mean look in the mirror. Disturbing.

Ain't No Sunshine
Kris sang... something something sunshine. Really didn't care about him. Trying deperately hard not to be bias but I found nothing special about his performance. I know he's a guitarist but his piano skills were like meh... When Simon was like Kris wins this round I was like wth? Seriously trying not to be bias but Adams' performance rocked and Kris was like meh.


Song 2
A Change is Gonna Come
Adam's next song was this wierd R&B (sounded a little country) song and again I was like wth? I mean of all songs to choose. It was...different. I cringed...it wasn't bad but it was wierd for Adam. The judges said it was good so I shall take their word for it since when I like someone I am highly critical of their performance so if the judges said it was brilliant then brilliant it is.

What's Going On?
Kris' performance again nothing spectacular but I prefered it to the first one. Don't ask me why especially with the judges condeming this one. The guitars suited the song. Nothing much to say. Adam takes this round of course. Conclusion, never let Simon Fuller choose the songs. XD

Song 3
No Bounderies
This is where I get really angry and suspicious at AI. Remember last years time of our life? Well could anyone actually imagine Archuleta singing it? Well that made me suspicious that Idol might be rigged. This time the AI song written by Kara was so 'Kris'. I mean seriously even when Adam sang it, Kris was written all over it. Now I'm worried that Idol might be rigged and Kris would win. The best was Kris' performance was worst than Adams' (sorry Kris). I don't remember the judges comments but to me Adam won round 3. i'm really praying he wins 2moro. Our first gay American Idol.

Carrie Underwood was lovely. Can't wait for tommowrow's show.

Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

Hey everyone! It's my birthday! Wiipee........ **** it, it's the worst birthday ever. I'm so tired. I tried to give myself the best birthday present ever. I told the guy I liked, I liked him. He didn't give any reaction at all so I turned and ran. As Steph won't fail to remind me 'like a 3-grade kid'. It was so stupid. Shit!

Just some wishful drinking on my- part,
wishful thinking from my- heart.
Wasted spinning of my brain inside my head

This guy is a close friend of mine. So I was so worried that y'know our friendship will dissolve if he rejects me. So I told him be4 I told him I liked him that no matter what I say we should still be friends. So he tries...it feels fake...even what I say feels fake. Like we're trying too hard. I know it'll take some time but I don't want our friendship to fade. I know he feels awkward but I dun understand. He knew a mutual friend of ours used to like him and their close as ever. Could we be the same? I'm so scared.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don 't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Sometimes I'd feel like blaming Steph but I know it's not her fault. I shouldn't have told her i should have just lied. Before anyone knew I managed to tell myself I was only in love with the idea of liking him. But when I told the girls, it felt real and that drove me to tell him. I even saw signs that were never there. He sounded jealous when I professed my undying love to Adam (American Idol) but I guess I read the signals wrong. He's probably disgusted that I like a gay guy.

I can't continue anymore. I've never really cried over a guy before...I just did. I don't know why it hurts so much. It shouldn't...it's just a stupid crush...I feel so confused and sad. I'm half glad 2moro is Saturday so I don't have to face him. I just hope he can forget it over the weekend and everything can go back to normal. I was so stupid to think he'd like me I mean who would ever like me? I'm a fat, ugly, cursing bitch. Who could ever care?

I can't believe I'm quoting an Avenue Q song but it's so true especially the bolded ones.

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

Random Tags/Tests

Surprisingly accurate for something with such random questions. As usual, the ones in aqua are the ones I agree with. Yellow are my comments.

Get to Know Yourself Better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior. I don't really agree with this 100% cause I am looking for a boyfriend, but maybe it's sometimes I want something more or something special.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. Yes and no...I have not been in a real relationship so I can't really answer this but yea probably but right now I don't really care.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. Amen to this. The problem is I can't really identify who I like so that's a problem...but yea I think I will really fall in love once I meet the right person.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. ...Again yes and no...I hate school and studying but I do agree it's important...maybe this applies more to maybe learning something I like.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. This is probably the step I will take when I choose my job...but I would love to be able to do what I want to do.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. Again...I have other careers in mind...things that are not very safe...but still that would be great.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. Concerned? More like terrified. I keep telling people be who don't be anyone else but I feel like I'm changing day by day to someone i think my friends would want and I hate it. I just want to be me.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. ...I think People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. This you have to ask my friends... I'm not very sure. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Real You (Not as Accurate)

1. You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3. You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm. All i have to say is WTF? This is nothing like me AT ALL!!!
   
4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right? Again WTF? Totally not me AT ALL
   
5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence (didn't they just say I wasn't confident?) and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

What's Your Personality Love Style?
You are the type to fall quickly and passionately in love, but will commit to a person forever when this happens. When you choose to love someone, it's going to be a strong relationship and nothing will come between you and your lover. But beware: love can turn you blind, and the rest of the world might cease to exist while you are in that honeymoon phase. When you come down from your high, you may find you have neglected other people and things that you love. Two words A-men. Hehe

What does being a friend really mean to you?

You value your friendships: 60%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends. ...No comment.

How you control your husband, who will lead the family and who will be led?

You will never expect to control your boyfriend or husband. Your boyfriend and you will take turns to make decision and the decision is often acceptable to both of you. Whatever you want to let him know, you can just tell him straightforwardly. This is a good relationship, a pretty modern one. Amen

1. Your future friend: You have a big sister confidence and leadership. So you friends are mostly vulnerable and always need your help. You can't resist helping these people and eventually you all will become good friends.
2. Your travel plan: In the future, you will often take overseas trips especially to modernized countries. You will get to explore Europe and North Asia like you always wanted.
3. Your future financial status: You are a big spender! You always spend on friends and luxury goods without feeling guilty. No matter how much you earn, you churn to match it. Your credit cards get thinner and thinner from frequent swipes. The figure in your bank account is not what you enjoy seeing.
4. The last period of your life: You can't stand being a lonely old lady so you will spend the last days of you life being a kind loving grandparent so that the kids will love to have you around. yay
   

Love and Your Sweetheart

This man is a sporty type. He has a strong heart and easily comes to terms with the truth. He likes sport and physical challenges, and quickly gets bored with routine. As for women, he gets bored if they are too formal and proper. You need to be enthusiastic and ready to be spontaneous as the occasion requires it. He enjoys activities such as bush walking or rock climbing, so to keep the relationship running smoothly you should give them a go. I'm spontaneous so that's good right?

Earth Hour/Skin

Hehe just got through Earth Hour. Lol past without notice. My eyes are a bit uncomf0rtable but that's about it. Hehe the power didn't go out like some cynical idiots say. I mean seriously if that was going to happen TNB would have warned us. Kind of surprised that so many people actually did turn off their lights. So that's done and done.

Spent the last 3 hours editing the skin. So problematic since i can't do html. Really regretted starting. Well at least i can look at Byakuya everytime I want to post something.

Haha short post...I really don't know what to write. Really looks like my muse left me. Haha random lyrics time. For those who never heard this song should really check it out.

Time Of Dying Lyrics
Artist(Band):Three Days Grace

On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life flashing before my eyes
Did I fall asleep
Is this all a dream
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

On this bed I lay
Losing everything
I can see my life passing me by
Was it all too much
Or just not enough
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I will not die, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

ASEAN Scholarship/Earth Hour

Hey! So filling out the form for the scholarship. I never want to go to Singapore I mean that's where the kiasu people are but well it is a scholarship after all. It's the first I'm filling out so I feel really weird. I'm so scared to go for the test and interview. Not that I'd know I'd get that far but still... I would give anything to go to th UK however that's like way too expensive. Even if I get a scholarship just eating is going to be a problem. Sigh... Dunno why I'm so bent to go to the UK, really don't. Maybe it's the accent.

So anyway Saturday's Earth Hour. Decided on a really last minute campaign so all we had are posters and maybe a speech. Yikes! Trying to get Leo Club up and running properly. Now very semangat later sure got problem. Hehe!

This is the poster that Aisyah created. We have no funds so we are making it black and white. Cheaper. Hehe The Thing is on Saturday and we are posting them up on Friday. Wipee! Hehe anyway those who are reading this: Turn off your lights people! We must realize that united we are strong. If all our celebrities can shut their 101 lights why can't we? Better yet can't we just turn off everything?

And another topic switch: Who watched American Idol today? OMG Adam was...clean. He threw away his punk look...NOOOOO!!! He actually looked like Zac Efron from Hairspray. Well...a Zac Efron that is actually handsome. He did a slow song today and it was like wow... I LOVE ADAM!!! I mean he literally changed from this



to this
Oooo Elvis Presley. Haha...

Astrology

Ok I love to read astrology. I believe it to a certain degree. I don't believe the whole 'I know what's gonna happen today' thing but I kinda believe it knows your personality. So this is my birthday calculator: 24th April 1992.

You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 4.

Life Path

You have the kind of will power that is often mistaken for sheer stubbornness. - I don't think I am stubborn, I know I'm stubborn or so I've been told.

Once a decision is made, it will be followed through to the conclusion, right, wrong, or indifferent. - Yea That's so like me but isn't that stubbornness?

Your tenacity of purpose and ability to get the job done borders on obsession. - Hmn....I guess that's true...

You are a wonderful manager with a great sense of how to get the job done. - Haha kind of but no one will listen to me. Hehe

You are an excellent organizer and planner because of your innate ability to view things in a very common sense and practical way. This stems from a strong desire to be a perfectionist in your labor. Planning is necessary to avoid errors. It's very likely that a 4 Life Path person invented the to-do list, because it is the rare Life Path 4 who doesn't have one by her side at all times. Your life is programed in an orderly fashion permitting you to catalog and manage the flow of ideas and activities that fill your day. (Indeed, you seem to function best when you are under the gun and facing a tough set of problems.) Ok...except for this last like this is so not me. I never finish anything on time, not a perfectionist and I hate planning.

Loyal and devoted, you make the best of your marriage, and you are always the good provider. Friends may be few in number, but you are very close to them and once friendships are made, they often last a lifetime. - lol I always believe this of myself. I guess people can disagree but I think this is who I am or at least my goal on who I want to be.

Element: Earth (gains its strength and utter sense of reality.)

Negative:-
Dogmatic to an excess, narrow-minded, and repressive. - I am dogmatic to a certain extent but to me it's the only way people will listen. However I don't think I'm narrow-minded. In fact I think I always see through other's points of view. Repressive...I dunno...kind of I guess.

A lot of skin-deep people turn you off, - I say amen to this. I hate people who are only skin-deep. It's off putting. I have no problem with people who wants to be all nice and pretty but I can't stand those that judge others because of their looks.

and you lack the tact to keep your feelings from being totally clear to all around. -Hahaha I guess I have to agree. It isn't really lack of tact just more on I don't care about what other's think.

Your fortune cookie reads:
There is no limit to love's forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 6 & 7.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 3, 5 & 9.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2448736.5.
The golden number for 1992 is 17.
The epact number for 1992 is 25.
The year 1992 was a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/4/1992 and ending 1/22/1993.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Monkey.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 21 Nisan 5752.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 22 Nisan 5752.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.19.0.12 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 19 tun 0 uinal 12 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Friday, 21 Shavval 1412 (1412-10-21).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 19 April 1992.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 26 April 1992.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 4 March 1992.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 7 June 1992.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 14 June 1992.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Monday, 28 September 1992.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Saturday, 18 April 1992.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 3 March 1992.

As of 2/22/2009 7:36:00 AM EST
You are 16 years old.
You are 202 months old.
You are 879 weeks old.
You are 6,148 days old.
You are 147,559 hours old.
You are 8,853,576 minutes old.
You are 531,214,560 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:

Courtnee Draper (1985)	Kelly Clarkson (1982)	Chipper Jones (1972)
Cedric the Entertainer (1964)	Jean-Paul Gaultier (1952)	Doug Clifford (1945)
Barbra Streisand (1942)	Jill Ireland (1936)	Shirley MacLaine (1934)
Anthony Trollope (1815)

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 2.40626223091977 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Scorpio. (My brother, that explains alot.)
Your opposition number(s) is 9 & 11.

Today is not one of your lucky days! (Tell me about it X /

There are 61 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 17 candles.

Those 17 candles produce 17 BTUs,
or 4,284 calories of heat (that's only 4.2840 food Calories!) .
You can boil 1.94 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Diamond

The Mystical properties of Diamond

Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire

Your birth tree is

Walnut Tree, the Passion

Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises. (Out of all this seems to be the most accurate reading of all. I dunno about the ingenious strategist part but seriously I have often been told I'm like that.)

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

Karaoke

Well, yesterday we had merentas desa (cross-country run). Good thing for me I was a PBSM so I didn't have to run. Hehe! However when we wanted to go to our stations, our dear En Rozali decided to take us through the scenic route. He made us climb up a really steep hill and down again and then we realized we could just have cut across the lake. Sigh...The weird thing is while the course is longer this year compared to the last, no one fainted this year while last year there were so many. Weird people.

So anyway, after the whole thing I decided to drag my friends kicking and screaming (well only Pik Ee) to go karaoke. I didn't have any money on myself so I decided to borrow Letitia's money. Haha I actually expected her to scream at me. But no she just gave the money to me. So I had Rm 5 to spend on karaoke and Rm2 to eat. Of course in a supermarket, what can you buy for Rm2?

So we dragged ourselves upstairs to the karaoke centre and guess what it was close. Haha scared us half to death. It actually only opened at 12pm so we decided to fill our stomachs. It was only then Pik Ee realised that the karaoke was RM8 instead of RM5 so we were perpetually screwed. I mean what a waste of time. Good thing Kuan Ngee met some friends and decided to steal money from them. They were nice enough to lend us money for food and RM4 for karaoke. We counted and it was Rm32 just enough. So we said bye and went to karaoke.

we belted out pretty random songs. Kuan Ngee and Aisyah insisted on singing Indian songs. Like wth? so we pretty much demolished the songs. Haha so the guy walks in and asks us to pay the pill. And wth it was Rm36.80, we had forgotten totally about tax. So we dug every cent we could find from our pockets, bags etc. We manage to scrounger RM35. So we were 1.80 short. The guy was glaring at us like nobodies business. we tried to get hold of the guy who earlier lent us cash but he didn't bring his handphone. We were embarrassed. So finally me and Kuan Ngee decided to go down and find any poor sod from our school and beg them for money. X/ I felt so bad. Good thing Kuan Ngee knows just about everyone and ask them for money. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

So embarrassing. Well I guess there's a first time for everything. But still... I'm never going out without at least Rm20 with me ever again.

Valentine Blues

Hey, it's the day before Valentine and guess what? We have exams tomorrow. I don't really know what I'm complaining about since I don't really have a date. I mean valentine is just torture for us single people. It's like they want to rub it in our face that we have no one to hold.

Sigh.

Ignore my depressing mood. I'm just really stressed out about the exams. I'm worried I can't finish studying but look at me now, I'm online. Seriously though, I really don't know how to finish the whole form 4 syllabus by Monday. Crap. Trying my hardest to study Sejarah now. It's really boring. Then there's a ton of tuition homework waiting for me downstairs. I am so going to be murdered tonight.

I am kind of disappointed right now. The guy I think I have a crush on asked me to be his Valentine. Of course, I was happy. But then this guy is a joker. I thought that it was possible he was just kidding around. But then he asked me more than once so I thought 'hey, maybe this is his way of getting my attention'. Of course I said yes but then in an equally joking manner just in case he was fooling around and I was left feeling embaressed. So I went home excited about tomorrow. My first real valentine. I kept telling myself not to expect too much since it was possible he was joking. But do I listen? Finally I gave up wondering and smsed him asking him was he serious about tomorrow? Guess what he answered? What's on tomorrow? So I asked him again properly. He said 'hahaha jk only lar.' I was angry...not at him but at myself. I repeatedly told myself, he's only joking but I never listened. Now I'm just disappointed. I kept making myself believe that I saw the signs but I was wrong. Sometimes I wonder whether it was better not to sms him and let myself pretend for a day. He's a sweet guy though. Maybe too good for me.

Sigh.

English Literature

Hey everyone! I decided to try and maintain a blog for once. Yea wish me good luck on that.

So anyway, I decided to take English Literature and Bible Study as extra subjects for SPM. Of course, brilliant me had to procrastinate until this year so I'm having twice a week tuition for each of them. Bible Study is kinda easy so far. Just a lot of memorizing. I just hate it when the teachers are like 'do it for Jesus, learn about him'. Listen sister, I'm doing it for the A and for giving future generations a choice to take this subject. That's all. I already had almost 10 years of learning about Jesus, I don't need two more.

English lite is o...k. The teacher is freaking scary though but I guess that's how Indian teachers are. I'd know, my grandmother's an Indian teacher. So anyway, first homework is 'write a love poem for your boyfriend'. Ok I have two problems, one, I'm boyfriendless and two, I only write depressing poems not sappy love ones. So, i decide to write about a boy I think I have a crush on. But now I'm stuck and I have to pass this up tomorrow. So anyway, here's the poem.

What I love about you,
Your horrible sense of humour,
No matter what you say,
You don't fail to brighten my day.

You are not like the others,
Ego is not your weakness,
They say humour's your strength,
To me, you protection.

Music is your gift,
Attracted me like honey,
A mixture between jealousy and total adoration
My heart softened with a seranation.

You are the moon,
A pale, gentle light,
Not harsh like the sun,
To illuminate the night.

Lame, I know. I just hope that teacher isn't serious about giving it to her husband.

Anyway I better go. I need to finish the poem before teacher murders me. I'm so not losing to Randy.

Image Tag

a) Google Image Search with your answer, take a picture from the 1st page of results, do it with minimal words of explanation.

b) Tag 5 people to do the same once you've finish answering every question

1. The age you'll be on your next birthday :Woo-hoo last year of school

2. Place you want to travel to :My first choice was Japan but you know what? I think the Vatican is something I should relate to.

3. Your favourite place:Sigh, dreamland. What is there to hate?

4. Favourite food:

5. Your favourite pet:Ok so not exactly the pet u'd buy 4 ur kid but... kawaiii

6. Favourite colour combination:Purple on black?

7. Favourite piece of clothing:hahaha I love jackets. Too bad our weather makes it impractical to wear one.

8. Your all-time favourite song:hahaha I'll change my favourite in a week anyway. 'Fall For You' by Secondhand Serenade

9. Favourite TV show:Nothing completely special but better than shows like Deperate Housewives and the other crap.

10. First name of your significant other/crush:Hahahahahahaha! Just one of many. Isn't he so hot?

11. Which town do you live in?
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12. Your screen nickname:Adlea....wonderful I never knew Adlea were meds

13. Your first job:Student! hehehehehe so true

14. Your dream job:Actress...what else?

15. One bad habit you have:
Shake your legs, baby!

16. Worst fear:
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17. Thing you would like to do before you die:
Hehehehe gunslinger's rock!

18. The first thing you'll buy if you get $1,000 000:Hmn... maybe to the UK or something

Tag: Anyone who's bored

Prefects Party

Hey! Here I am again back from the depths of nothingness. We had a prefects party on Friday together with the librarians and school coperation. So here are randoms pics I stole from Kuan Ngee and Pik Ee. We really had a great time.

The emcees for the night, Helen from the prefect board and Amelia from SMKBJ's coperation.

Our food for the night. Ice cold. >_<>

I just love steph's face in this. It was during the Mr. Muscle commercial.

This looks like a movie poster. Three guys and a girl.

My close friends Pik Ee and Kuan Ngee.

The cast of Avenue Q. Our form 4 performance. Guess what we won first place. Even our headmistress was laughing her head off. Now that was a shock.

This is Boon Kyan and Neeraj performing 'If You Were Gay'. They both look hot, it'd be a pity if they were.

Shi Zun and Wei Quan are not wearing underwear today. XD

This is our Avenue Q girls posing with the hot guyz.

Um...wondering about his sexuality?

Don't this two look sweet together? They are doing a duet on how a honors in English ain't helping them at all.

This is the Avenue Q group doing their signature 'can-can' dance.

Hahaha, that's all I guess. See ya 6 months later. ; ) Maybe I'd have good news about a boyfriend maybe. :D

Hey again! / Mid term

Hey everyone! Lol I know it's been forever since i posted anything so here I am again. I honestly gave up on blogging but now everyone is doing it so meh. I don't want to be dead online.

So, the mid-terms are coming up and the only thing I've finished studying is Chemistry and even that I'm blur. Add-maths should have been no problem for me but I'm even struggling with the first chapter. Sigh! And why the hell must we memorize experiments!? During our parents time they actually performed the experiments during the exams. Why can't we do that instead?

Meh I gtg. I must go work on my biology before I get my first fail. Ciao.