I didn't even know why I started thinking of it. It was over so long ago but it appeared in my head, that one question... What was the nicest thing I remember you doing for me? When I thought of the answer, it opened up a whole wave of emotions I locked up. No, not about you. I am already long over you. I think that is for the better. No but it reminded me of the time when you did that nice thing. I think I locked up memories of that time. I always try to forget everything or maybe I just have a bad memory. XD :( But I guess even I have to admit it is probably in the running for worst period of my life.

I don't know which feels worst, the fact I never expected anyone to care for my feelings like you did or the fact that I kinda hoped that there would be more... Nah I'm being selfish... Why would anyone care about little old me? I tried not to think about it then. Who was on my side? Who supported me? I can only name one person with complete sureness. Why? No, no the question is why am I disappointed? I expected this. For months I braced myself for the same conclusion...so why do I feel so betrayed? Am I selfish?

Nah this was a very long time ago... I should be putting this all behind me. Erase the song 'Girl Next Door' from my phone and carry on. I have the Tea Party right now. I'm happier now. I know they'd stand by me no matter what.

"LIAR!!!"

(looks away) Yea...Alucia's right...I'm lying to myself. Put them in the same situation...I'd be left on my own again. It's not their fault believe me...but is it really mine? Why am I so worthless? It's not like I'm unhappy with the outcome but...these were the people I called my friends...I don't...

Haiz...I dunno what else to say... It's just bad memories coming back to haunt me but... I really tried to forget it, honest I did. Just sometimes, something reminds me of it...and things just go bad. Haiz and I was in a good mood too. Oh wellz I dun have much else to say...Just let me go ponder life for a while.  :(

Nightz

Konbanwa!

こんばんわ。わたしはシャーメインです。どおぞよろしく。わたしはマルシアじんです。はじめまして。これわわたしのブロッグです。ようこそ。

And that is the extent of the Japanese I know. Haha no don't look at me like that. Not the writing, that's just the Mac. I just type 'ko' and this appears こ. But I've gotten the Hiragana pretty down. I still have to check every once in awhile but I think I'm pretty proud of myself. XD Don't ask me about katakana though (the one I wrote my name in). I HATE it so much. They generally look more chinesey and I remember how to write 'ko' by neh that box that looks like mouth in chinese but one side is open (コ). Yea... unfortunately ro is a 'kou' (mouth) ロ. 

Okok I know you all are looking at me funny. I can't speak chinese to save my life and I want to learn Japanese? Yea well...I kinda prefer Japanese. I mean anime is one thing but also Japanese has a very straightforward pronunciation. If 'a' is pronounced like this, it's always pronounced like this. Like malay. In terms of writing...ok I think it is kinda silly to have 3 different types of writing. I understand why but I'm sorry. It's pretty hard for an outsider to learn. Ok y I prefer hiragana to chinese characters is this, there is no relation through characters. Where else Japanese is a bit more like English where a sound is a character. 'Ha'は for example or 'chi'ち, they will never change. So for example 'hachi' (eight) is written like はち. Y'know instead of ハ where you are just supposed to remember it's 'pak' (sry i dunno how to write hanyin pinyin). So yea, I'm probably confusing you. But anyway, this brings me to my next problem...KANJI!!! We all know Japanese originated from Chinese and all that right so of course they have to use their words as well.... Just as I was complaining about it... >_> I mean hiragana can take up alot of space so to shorten it they use kanji. So ハ、instead of はち。T_T So basically I still kinda have to learn chinese...not modern chinese mind you...traditional chinese. T_T

But I did say I was gonna learn as much Japanese as I can for the rest of my holidays. Grammar is pretty straight forward but i'm still a little confused between kore and kono...and a couple other things. I'm so glad I have Aisyah to bug whenever I need help/answers. xD And of course somebody to practice Japanese with. So wish me luck. Who knows? If I actually learn Japanese enough I might actually learn Chinese to improve my kanji. Haha Oh well

オやすみなさい、みんあさん。