Stupid blogger was down the whole day so I had to copy and paste this from word cause I was terrified I’d lose interest in writing out this post. Am so close to actually.
Well remember my last post about writing the story (which Blogger may or may not have deleted). Yea well two nights in a row while sleeping at 5 was what it took to finish it. I know I should be studying but yea, don’t feel so bad about it anymore.
When I wrote this story I knew I was writing another fanfiction story to suit my whim and fancy. What I never expected was what writing this story made me feel. Have you ever written or read or watched something that made walk away feeling like some part of you was lost or taken. I’m not talking about the serious kind when you break up or lose someone you care about. I can’t even explain the feeling really but that’s what I feel right now. I feel like writing that story took something from me that I can never get back.
I know it sounds over-dramatic or even some blatant attempt at promotion but it’s not. When I wrote the story I was this close to crying. I didn’t even do what most people suggested which is put myself in the characters position and write. I didn’t cause I just couldn’t imagine it, I didn’t want to. Yea Yea dear Charmaine has a heart, deal with it.
I had problems writing the character at first, I was convinced it sounded nothing like the original. That was when a voice whispered to me, ‘dude, the guy just lost his brother. Of course he’s not going to sound like himself.’ Boom immediately the words flowed from my hand. I stopped looking at him as Luigi the character, I looked at him as Luigi, the guy who discovered his dead brother sprawled on the floor. I stopped worrying about how he sounded, was he angry enough, did he even care?
I think this is one of the few times I wrote a story that I was so emotionally invested in. I think up to that I can only name 3, the terminator one (don’t ask), the abuse story I wrote for my exam (even this didn’t last long) and this. I have never cared so much about what was going to happen to the characters until now because I didn’t write the story, the story wrote itself and I was just the reader.
I think the first thing anyone who reads the story (if I ever decide to let anyone read) would say is, “These people are evil/horrible or something to that tone.” That’s because I’m not writing a story about a bad thing that happened to good people. I’m writing a story about a bad thing that happened to bad people and they still feel shit about it. I always hated the way (hong kong dramas especially) like to put the bad guys through shit towards the end, making us feel ‘hah, he deserved that.’ I wanted to write this story in a way that no one deserves that, not even if that guy is a murderer or just a mean-spirited fellow. I know not many people will agree as we can see on online comments “that rapist’s wife should get raped so he knows how it feels.” I have yet to agree or disagree with that comment but I wanted my story to reflect that bad people feel too.
Well that’s all I can think of writing. Am still feeling a little drained (ah yes that’s the word I was looking for) from writing the story. I can’t even watch any video with the characters (even a comedic one) without feeling worse than I already do. I think I really better get on with studying or I’d flunk my exams and really have something to cry about. Well good luck guys and ciaoz.
PS Aisyah I really want you to read this story since I think you’ve read all the stories that actually mattered to me. Haiz too bad I don’t have time to type it up and you are too busy with you’re exams. Oh well. Good luck then.
