:D Tumblr is bloody awesome. http://pitsofdepression.tumblr.com/ Haha I just followed my blogname so it's easy to find. XD Fell in love with it all over again. Just have to warn you guys about language cause I've filled my page with quotes from Otis from a movie who won an award for most curse words in so yea be careful. :)

Farewells

Chemistry, I am honestly not ready to say goodbye to you. You have always been an interesting subject which I never really cried, 'I've no interest to learn this' (even inorganic now). I'm hoping that Medicine has enough of you to keep me satisfied. You will always be my favourite science and I will never forget you.

Maths, I will miss you very much. You have been my favourite subject since primary and I don't want to stop. Perhaps I shall give tuition in tribute to you because I can't see my life without you. Will this be a reason I regret joining Medicine? Perhaps, but I guess I can't do maths for the rest of my life and to be honest I'm kinda relieved vectors is nowhere in my near future.

Physics, good luck and good riddance. I used to like you once when you were more logical. Now you were the source of my feelings of utter hopelessness. I was ready to say farewell to you many times this year. If ever I considered taking Engineering, you have convinced me otherwise. I guess I have to thank you for that. I will not miss you. Farewell.

Bio, I have just begun to touch you (eww...sounds wrong) in both the near and far sense. A week more before I say goodbye to the A-levels you but hello to a harder you for another 5 years. Please be kind to me as I do not have the memorizing power you need. I have slowly begun accepting you as my companion. We were enemies once, but sometimes enemies make the best friends (I should know, {smiles in nostalgia}). So please do not betray me and make me cry because I will hate you for as long as I live even if you were my roommate. :(

Feelin' Chicken

you're killing me with bacon, america
killing me with smog and taxes like axes in my neck
like hogs to the slaughter
what do i tell my daughters?
daddy's all heart but he's pushing bird way downtown
where the skin is brown and eyes are the size of the deficit?

you're killing me with bacon, america
just like the indians with tobacco and flour and fire water
balls, scabs, and rehab
sick in the blood face down in the mud
all hype and gripe and stars and stripes
ain't my flag today

i wanna belong, i wanna be proud
but your gay bashing voices are so fuckin loud
my choices shrinkin like bacon in the pan
spatter of hot grease spitting like mad geese
bombers and baghdad!
i am a college grad
but my life is a want ad

you're killing me with bacon, america
how shall i pray? the old fashion way?
down on my knees to the god of the weak?
or dig deep in my squeeze
wearing a red rubber nose clown clothes laughing as we go and saying something stupid like

I had to post this. Bill Moseley writes awesome poetry and while I'm not American I can identify with most of the lines. As you can probably tell from my tumblr and facebook, my favourite line is 'I wanna belong, I wanna be proud but your gay-bashing voices are so fucking loud.' It could just be my tagline. It says all I want to say if asked why I'm not as 'Christian' as I should be.

Bill Moseley/Nivek Ogre

There goes my resolution on the only real life pairing I'd ship is RDJ and Jude Law. Haha too bad you can't see Bill's face in this. Haha these two are so adorable together. I watched a bloody crap show just to see these two act together again. Haha well the show was awful, these two were just awesome. Haha I have a feeling they'd know the appeal they have together. I don't see any other reason for the scene where Ogre had that smile on his face like he'd rape Bill. But seriously for a (rock?)star and a horror movie legend they are awfully humble in interviews.

I suck at titles and summaries

Stupid blogger was down the whole day so I had to copy and paste this from word cause I was terrified I’d lose interest in writing out this post. Am so close to actually.

Well remember my last post about writing the story (which Blogger may or may not have deleted). Yea well two nights in a row while sleeping at 5 was what it took to finish it. I know I should be studying but yea, don’t feel so bad about it anymore.

When I wrote this story I knew I was writing another fanfiction story to suit my whim and fancy. What I never expected was what writing this story made me feel. Have you ever written or read or watched something that made walk away feeling like some part of you was lost or taken. I’m not talking about the serious kind when you break up or lose someone you care about. I can’t even explain the feeling really but that’s what I feel right now. I feel like writing that story took something from me that I can never get back.

I know it sounds over-dramatic or even some blatant attempt at promotion but it’s not. When I wrote the story I was this close to crying. I didn’t even do what most people suggested which is put myself in the characters position and write. I didn’t cause I just couldn’t imagine it, I didn’t want to. Yea Yea dear Charmaine has a heart, deal with it.

I had problems writing the character at first, I was convinced it sounded nothing like the original. That was when a voice whispered to me, ‘dude, the guy just lost his brother. Of course he’s not going to sound like himself.’ Boom immediately the words flowed from my hand. I stopped looking at him as Luigi the character, I looked at him as Luigi, the guy who discovered his dead brother sprawled on the floor. I stopped worrying about how he sounded, was he angry enough, did he even care?

I think this is one of the few times I wrote a story that I was so emotionally invested in. I think up to that I can only name 3, the terminator one (don’t ask), the abuse story I wrote for my exam (even this didn’t last long) and this. I have never cared so much about what was going to happen to the characters until now because I didn’t write the story, the story wrote itself and I was just the reader.

I think the first thing anyone who reads the story (if I ever decide to let anyone read) would say is, “These people are evil/horrible or something to that tone.” That’s because I’m not writing a story about a bad thing that happened to good people. I’m writing a story about a bad thing that happened to bad people and they still feel shit about it. I always hated the way (hong kong dramas especially) like to put the bad guys through shit towards the end, making us feel ‘hah, he deserved that.’ I wanted to write this story in a way that no one deserves that, not even if that guy is a murderer or just a mean-spirited fellow. I know not many people will agree as we can see on online comments “that rapist’s wife should get raped so he knows how it feels.” I have yet to agree or disagree with that comment but I wanted my story to reflect that bad people feel too.

Well that’s all I can think of writing. Am still feeling a little drained (ah yes that’s the word I was looking for) from writing the story. I can’t even watch any video with the characters (even a comedic one) without feeling worse than I already do. I think I really better get on with studying or I’d flunk my exams and really have something to cry about. Well good luck guys and ciaoz.

PS Aisyah I really want you to read this story since I think you’ve read all the stories that actually mattered to me. Haiz too bad I don’t have time to type it up and you are too busy with you’re exams. Oh well. Good luck then.

OMG it's 3 in the morning and I'm not studying Chem, I'm not practising maths; I'm writing a God damned story that is already 10 pages long and counting. Why did I start? Why? Granted this may just be my best work but still. I have to study. Why does all my inspiration come during the exams? Why? I'm so gonna screw next week.