Just for Laughs
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
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To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't DisguiseYour Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
6. Finish All Your sentences with'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
10. Sing Along At The Opera.
11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'
14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
It's Called ... THERAPY
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Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.
One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.
What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!
Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?
Words and Thoughts to live by--
~A day without sunshine is like...night.
~On the other hand, you have different fingers.
~42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
~Remember, half the people you know are below average.
~He who laughs last thinks slowest.
~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
~How many of you believe in physokineses? Raise my hand. (I FINALLY GOT IT!)
~OK. . .so what's the speed of dark?
~When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
~Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
~Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.
~Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
~Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines.
~Why do psychics have to ask your name?
~Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
~Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tag
This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that apply to you! 38/100 apply to me.
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke or movie that no one else thought was funny
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one or because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke or movie that no one else thought was funny
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one or because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.
Friday, November 20, 2009
SPM Blues
0_0 So I have just went through the first week of our wonderful Spm exams. I'm angry with myself for not studying earlier and harder but what's done is done. Well hell has just begun for me as now I have to suffer throught Bible Knowledge but I WILL get through this. I have no choice. Well I guess my dreams of full scholarship has pretty much flushed down the drain.
The Bm karangan wasn't exactly hard this time around but then I can't really string a bm sentence together without making at least 10 grammatical errors so I'm rather freaked out. The paper 2 wasn't so bad. Not as hard as the other papers but...still scared. Sejarah paper 1 was quite hard and complicating. I didn't know most of the answers for especially form 5 so I'm scared. I want to check my answers but I don't want to spoil my mood.
English was well english. Again easier than the other tests though I'm not very sure about the last novel question but I did what I could. I mean throughout the book no one really had a hard decision to make. Kino and Juana decided things like pop and they do it. There wasn't a part in the book where they were like should I do this? Should I not do this? Most people answered Kino throwing the Pearl into the sea as a hard decision. His son died because of the Pearl. he didn't need to think twice. He just threw the thing into the sea. Hard decision? I don't think so. Another posibility is when Juana tries to throw the Pearl into the sea. It may have been a hard decision if I were in her place. BUT we are not told the story from her point of view. We do NOT know what she was thinking so technically that is a faulty answer. Maybe I'm overanalysing everything but that's how I see it.
Englsih essay. I'm pretty satisfied with my report. The usual; nothing really special. The long essay however... I mean getting an A+ for English no problem but it doesn't mean I won't give 150% in the exam. I don't think that I did. As I left the exam hall, I didn't feel the euphoria I usually felt for finishing a story. It was like meh. I think I was rather disappointed by it. They wasn't anything outstanding about it. It was pretty average and average is not good enough for me. Maybe because people repeatedly told me to tone down for the exam so I did. I think it was a wrong decision for me. I mean my writing is nothing special. That's a fact. I mean I have the command of the language but nothing too flowery. So I have to rely on the plot to carry my story. Did I make a mistake? Did i just lose my A+ for 1119? I don't know. I have never truly been disappointed by my essays before. In fact I had half a mind to tear the paper in the exam hall and redo it but there wasn't enough time.
I have given up on an A for Sejarah. Subjective I had very little problem with after coaxing the Holy Spirit for a bit. But the essays man.... I didn't remember a thing. The whole of my third question was semua tembak and I got all wrong for that so there goes 20 marks. I don't trust the rest of the questions either. So I can only pray that the grade will be pulled down or I will get my very own B.
Ok ciao guys. Need to rest a while before continuing my studies tommorow. Hopefully Lite teacher will get a clue and not give us so much work.
The Bm karangan wasn't exactly hard this time around but then I can't really string a bm sentence together without making at least 10 grammatical errors so I'm rather freaked out. The paper 2 wasn't so bad. Not as hard as the other papers but...still scared. Sejarah paper 1 was quite hard and complicating. I didn't know most of the answers for especially form 5 so I'm scared. I want to check my answers but I don't want to spoil my mood.
English was well english. Again easier than the other tests though I'm not very sure about the last novel question but I did what I could. I mean throughout the book no one really had a hard decision to make. Kino and Juana decided things like pop and they do it. There wasn't a part in the book where they were like should I do this? Should I not do this? Most people answered Kino throwing the Pearl into the sea as a hard decision. His son died because of the Pearl. he didn't need to think twice. He just threw the thing into the sea. Hard decision? I don't think so. Another posibility is when Juana tries to throw the Pearl into the sea. It may have been a hard decision if I were in her place. BUT we are not told the story from her point of view. We do NOT know what she was thinking so technically that is a faulty answer. Maybe I'm overanalysing everything but that's how I see it.
Englsih essay. I'm pretty satisfied with my report. The usual; nothing really special. The long essay however... I mean getting an A+ for English no problem but it doesn't mean I won't give 150% in the exam. I don't think that I did. As I left the exam hall, I didn't feel the euphoria I usually felt for finishing a story. It was like meh. I think I was rather disappointed by it. They wasn't anything outstanding about it. It was pretty average and average is not good enough for me. Maybe because people repeatedly told me to tone down for the exam so I did. I think it was a wrong decision for me. I mean my writing is nothing special. That's a fact. I mean I have the command of the language but nothing too flowery. So I have to rely on the plot to carry my story. Did I make a mistake? Did i just lose my A+ for 1119? I don't know. I have never truly been disappointed by my essays before. In fact I had half a mind to tear the paper in the exam hall and redo it but there wasn't enough time.
I have given up on an A for Sejarah. Subjective I had very little problem with after coaxing the Holy Spirit for a bit. But the essays man.... I didn't remember a thing. The whole of my third question was semua tembak and I got all wrong for that so there goes 20 marks. I don't trust the rest of the questions either. So I can only pray that the grade will be pulled down or I will get my very own B.
Ok ciao guys. Need to rest a while before continuing my studies tommorow. Hopefully Lite teacher will get a clue and not give us so much work.
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