So...I'm heading to the airport in about 2/3 hours. You would think the years of looking forward to this, the months of excitement would mean something right? All I feel now is anxiety. I mean...it should be normal right? Going to a new place. But I expected nerves or something like that not full-blown anxiety. Then again, maybe nerves = anxiety now. Maybe I've 'upgraded' in a way that I can't go back.

4.5 months. It's not that long honestly. I don't even know what I'm worried about. Loneliness? I'm kinda used to it by now tbh. And I'm staying with friends so I'd probably have a lack of privacy more than lonely... Cold? Tbh I don't think it's something that would really bother me? I mean even if I didn't bring warm enough clothing, I could just get it there. Exp or not, its kind off a small deal... So what's the problem? I can't figure it out.

I mean of course I'm worried I didn't pack something (or pack too much that I can't pack it back when I come back) but like I said earlier...it shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, I can just get whatever I missed there. That I won't have fun? I mean yea...I'd find it a waste of money if we don't have fun there but...not really a big deal if you really think about it. So what's the god-damn problem? Is it just the Taurus in me fearing change? I'm staying with the same people I've been staying with the last 2 years, lodging worked out as perfect as it could be so why am I so...

Am I worried that I will enjoy Australia so much I'll regret not applying? No that doesn't sound like it... I don't know anymore. I thought writing in my blog will let me pinpoint my feelings but nope. Nothing seems to be settling.

I started again last week after dealing with my landlord. It wasn't serious or anything but...I guess I didn't expect it. It was just once, but well...I know what once means. (Oh god S Club 7 is on tv. Haven't seen them for ages hahahaha). Haha yea let's change the subject. I'm sharing rooms in Australia anyway, won't have a chance to continue I guess. Haha maybe I'm scared of my roommate. She's very particular in her ways.

I still can't breathe.