I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me?
I'm reaching out for you
Ok this is like the 10th time I've open my blogger typed something than exited the site. I promised myself I'd get something out and I'm trying to do that. I can't believe my last main post was about SPM. Haha I didn't even blog about the joys after. Hahaha so what to blog about? Aisyah suggested to blog about college life and I shall try my best.
I'm just so fucking depressed
I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
And in order for me to pick the mic back up
I don't know how or why or when
I ended up this position I'm in
I'm starting to feel dissin' again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and try to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips with the fact that I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
And I know some shit's so hard to swallow
But I can't just sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow but I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
Well college has been on for about 3 weeks and yet it feels like it's been a month or more. Good thing, bad thing I dunno. I guess it's a good thing because maybe it's cause I am comfortable in a new environment so fast. A bad thing cause maybe I'm already bored with this new 'thrill'. In all honesty there is nothing so special about college like what we expected back in secondary school. It's like there's no real difference with school. More like a giant tuition class. I mean it's great no one cares anout how early we are for class but still... I always couldn't wait for all the clubs and activities but now I don't feel like joining any because of our packed schedule. But what kind of college life would it be without clubs and activities?
One tough act to follow
I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you'd have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
Haha on a side note there are absolutely no cute guys in my class. WTH? I mean were a few potential guys but they moved to a different class. The rest of the guys are all extremely quiet or/and are the typical chinese school students (not that I have a problem with them but they're not my type). I remember on the first day I met this extremely cute mat salleh (a bit short but who cares) and I was like that's him! That's the guy I've been waiting for. Haha (yea right I didn't even know his name what more what's he like) He kept walking up and down between the A-Levels and CIMP counters and I was like 'Dei make up your mind already!' and my heart was like 'A-levels; A-levels; A-levels' Haha he ended up in CIMP anyway and until this very day I can't find him. There are many mat sallehs whom I see everyday but I can't find the one I spotted on the first day. WTH Where did he run off to? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Meh he probably has a girlfriend anyway. He's too cute not to have one. What would he want with a girl like me right?
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything's so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check
The temperature of the room
Just as soon as I walk in, it's like all eyes on me
And so I try to avoid any eye contact
'Cause if I do that then it opens the door
For conversation, like I want that
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking man servant
Trying to follow me around and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of 'em ain't even funny like
Ha! Marshall you're so funny man
You should be a comedian, god damn!"
Unfortunately I am
I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't gotta trade our shoes
And you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles
Haha I still say girl. Until now I can't seem to comprehand that we are turning 18 this year. WTH? No matter how I look at it I can't be that mature; that old. I mean in some ways I have to admit I am mature for my age (yea like an old lady) so how can I not feel old? I mean in some (miniscule) ways, in three months plus I would be an adult. Me? Yea right. I feel no different that the girl who came in wide-eyed (yea right) into secondary school. In some ways I feel that I have long thrown her away and in some ways I am her. Maybe a more bitter, angry and cynical (but definitely happier) version of her but yea still her. Is this what life is about? Going through the ages and feeling no different but looking back, you just realize 'wait, I'm not her anymore. I'm not that naive girl.' and then you just realize that life isn't anything special and yet it's beautiful all the same.
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others eyes
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
No one in my church believed I was outgoing in my school and no one in my school believed I was an introvert at my church. At first I thought that I did it because church held no interest for me then I realized that I was the same. I see myself in college and I realize that I'm no different than how I am in church and yet I can talk like there's no tommorow. So...what changed? What was it about school that made me so extroverted. Yea to those reading my blog (though they're mostly my schoolmates), do you think I'm an extrovert or an introvert? I know people can be a mixture of both but in the end you have to sit on one side. I mean in all personality tests I always assumed I was extroverted and so got my results as such, but then as I actually surveyed my life I feel mroe like an introvert and suddenly all my results have changed. I mean of course, in the end personality tests are based on how you see yourself so that is to be expected. And then as I went on I wondered, how can you be an extrovert if you lean towards anti-socialism and it's like 'who the hell am I?'
Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
And flip 'em, don't expect no help
Now I could've either just sat on my ass
And pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait by the door and pack his bags
I sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
And Edna always told me
Keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue tryna talk like that
'Til I stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole
At 8 years old
I learned my lesson then
'Cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
'Cause where you see it, from where you're sittin
It's probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each others shoes at least
What size you wear? I wear 10's
Let's see if you can fit your feet
Haha why is it that all my posts end up so damn emo? Haha I guess it's not called Pits of Depression for nothing. Haha ok lar so proud of my long post. I hope it makes up for my hiatus. Haha If I'm in the mood I might post another entry in about an hour's time. Haha I reviewed Star Trek and Harry Potter. I feel that I owe Sherlock Holmes the same thought. Haha ciao then
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
And flip 'em, don't expect no help
Now I could've either just sat on my ass
And pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait by the door and pack his bags
I sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
And Edna always told me
Keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue tryna talk like that
'Til I stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole
At 8 years old
I learned my lesson then
'Cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
'Cause where you see it, from where you're sittin
It's probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each others shoes at least
What size you wear? I wear 10's
Let's see if you can fit your feet
Haha why is it that all my posts end up so damn emo? Haha I guess it's not called Pits of Depression for nothing. Haha ok lar so proud of my long post. I hope it makes up for my hiatus. Haha If I'm in the mood I might post another entry in about an hour's time. Haha I reviewed Star Trek and Harry Potter. I feel that I owe Sherlock Holmes the same thought. Haha ciao then
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others eyes
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others eyes
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So
PS I love this song. Haha the only rapper I'll ever admit to loving.
Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me?
I'm reaching out for you
Yeah, to my babies
Stay strong, daddy will be home soon
And to the rest of the world
God gave you shoes to fit you
So put 'em on and wear 'em
Be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny
Don't ever let anyone tell you you ain't beautiful
